I'm coasting these days. Coasting on my couch in the afternoons, coasting at my desk at work, coasting on the weekends. I am simply out of inspiration these days for posts. For that, I apologize. But! I am viewing all my friends blogs on a daily basis, and am trying to comment when I feel a semi-clever thought escape my brain.
Thirteen Things I Am Seriously Over
1. Peek a boo thongs on 13 year old girls. Who buys the thongs for these children anyway? Do they have mothers?? Or worse – are the mothers purchasing these thongs for their 13 year old girls????
2. Old men that wear button up shirts and leave two buttons undone to expose obnoxious chest hair and a gold chain. I thought they were extinct, but apparently I was mistaken.
3. Valley girl talk. If I never hear another 21 year old say “And like, he totally called me, like, the next day! Oh my gawh!” I’d be fine. Like, totally fine.
4. People bringing their ENTIRE family with them to Walmart. Is it really necessary to bring your husband, your 8 kids, your uncle and your uncle’s girlfriend shopping with you?
5. The construction going on in front of my apartment complex. There’s really no reason to wash my car knowing that just the turn out of my apartment will leave a blanket of dirt on my car thick enough to keep an Eskimo from freezing. I don’t know. Just sounded good at the time. (By the way, as I’m typing in Word, auto grammar automatically capitalized the word Eskimo. I don’t know why but I think that’s funny.)
6. Chocolate martinis. I’m sure a few of you will disagree with me on this one, but I find nothing more disgusting than the idea (and taste) of a dessert item such as chocolate mixed with the harsh bite of vodka or gin. Bleh.
7. Total strangers that ask how you are doing over the phone. Just get to the point. If you’re about to try and sell me something, the words “Hi ma’am. How are you doing today?” instantly warn me that you are a solicitor and won’t make me want to purchase whatever you are selling any more than if you didn’t ask and just went into your spill.
8. Striped hair. Subtle highlights on a woman’s hair I understand but please tell me what is all this striped hair about? Black hair with wide blond stripes, blond hair with red stripes – do these people think this looks natural or are they just going for the edgy look? (I apologize if one of my visitors has striped hair. Wait. No I don’t.)
9. Reality tv. The last reality tv show I watched was Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. Pure trash entertainment. I am upset that I was sucked into this reality zone and refuse to be sucked in again. I think its sad that producers are so lazy now that they can’t even write a script to get the viewers that reality shows pull in these days. I can imagine the tv crew sitting together: “Eh, let’s call a dried up musician that can’t refuse our offer, pick up a couple bimbos from Hooters and random strip clubs and make it a spin off of the bachelor.”
10. GAP, American Eagle and Aeropostle. I can occasionally find the rare item of interest in one of these stores, but if I do find myself wandering in one of these stores, I forget which one I’m in, because they all freaking look alike. They all store the same bland colored clothes. Every high school kid walking through the mall looks like the next because they all shop at one of these stores. Why not just wear uniforms or potato sacks? Just as interesting.
11. Women who don’t dress their age. I’m so tired of seeing 40 year old women wearing daisy duke shorts and halter tops. Your wonder years are over. Stop sneaking into your 18 year old daughter’s closet. I’m not saying you don’t have the right to dress sexy, I’m just saying dress appropriately sexy.
12. Men who let football season get to them. I simply cannot understand why men who are emotionally constipated, can turn around and let a lost game of football with their favorite team bring them down and put them in a bad mood. Why do you let a football game, that you don’t even see in person but on tv upset you, and yet you cannot spare a feeling or emotion when the relationship with the woman you love is going down the drain. Seriously, what’s that about anyway? (Note: I am not saying all men are emotionally constipated. I do know a small few that are in touch with their emotions.;p )
13. Fiber One granola bars. I’m not going into detail, I’m just never eating them again.
By the way, my second weigh in is this evening. I’ll find out if I have lost any poundage. Wish me luck!
9 comments:
Do you have a frigging video camera set up in my house?!?!?!
hahahah!
I agree with you on damn near every comment! You sound like such an old lady already with your "Kids nowdays" schtick! I triple love it!
I know women who buy thongs for their teens. It disturbs me. I tell my girls only sluts and whores wear thongs(because that's how I teach my kids lessons, by poking fun at others), then we go to family gatherings and their cousins have thong strings hanging out of their pants and it just blows my mind. Good lord!
What a great post, RM. I love a list like this. I agree on many of them.
I like striped hair, though. I think it's hot.
Last nigth when I came home from work I was surprised to see they had paved the streets in such a way as I could not get home! I had to park two blocks away. Shouldn't they at least give some notice?
You are lovely.
May I help you?
Definitely don't hang out with me. I talk like valley girl a lot of the time because it's, like, totally cool! Anyway, yeah I agree on the football statement: It's just a fucking game, though entertaining, why people get all upset about it makes me wonder.
1: I totally picture mom's telling their kids "Oh Chastity you look so hot with that thong. Make sure you wear super low rise jeans with a white shirt and no bra with that"
2: That was my first experience meeting my future father in law...i barely was able to contain the laughter.
11: those are the moms in #1
13: made you "too regular"...?
1. Peek a boo thongs on 13 year old girls.
Peek a boo thongs on a 13 year old? Can you say "skank training wheels"?
2. Old men that wear button up shirts and leave two buttons undone to expose obnoxious chest hair and a gold chain.
Around these old guys you'll hear Rod Stewart in the background singing, "..if you want my body and you think I'm sexy, come on sugar let me know..."
3. Valley girl talk.
And they wonder why some people go postal.
4. People bringing their ENTIRE family with them to Walmart.
This is just one of the many reasons I don't shop at Sam Walton's house of horrors.
5. The construction going on in front of my apartment complex...(By the way, as I’m typing in Word, auto grammar automatically capitalized the word Eskimo. I don’t know why but I think that’s funny.)
If you type the word "Penis" in Word, the "p" will auto capitalize. But what's really weird is it won't work unless you have your letters set to size 36 font.
6. Chocolate martinis.
This somehow reminds me of Ex-Lax.
7. Total strangers that ask how you are doing over the phone.
Bloody Telemarketers.., My method of handling them, if it's a guy, I tell him his voice sounds so sexy, I then ask about his personal life. I basically get the guy uncomfortable enough so he has to hang up. If it's a woman telemarketer I'll pretend I'm an old man who can't hear her too well, then feign a heart attack and drop the phone.
8. Striped hair.
Dollars to donuts they got the striped hair dye at Sam Walton's house of horrors.
9. Reality tv.
One of the many reasons I choose not to have cable.
10. GAP, American Eagle and Aeropostle...Why not just wear uniforms or potato sacks?
Potato sacks make me itch. I'm not condoning dressing like a drone, but burlap makes me itch.
11. Women who don’t dress their age.
There's lots of them at Sam Walton's house of horrors.
12. Men who let football season get to them...Why do you let a football game, that you don’t even see in person but on tv upset you,
They're probably not getting any.
13. Fiber One granola bars.
"..When you're sliding into first and you're feeling something burst, diarrhea, diarrhea..,"
number 11 is to blame for number 1.
Love the ranting! It looks goood on ya!
wow... I am lame... and just tried to sound like the 7up guy huh? or was that sprite. gawd I had commercials. especially ones that secretly influence me. grr
Whenever I read your blog I am always amazed at the thoughts we have in common. Just last week I realized how effing sick I was of the tyranny of Toni and Guy, et al, and how everyone does exactly what their trend-jumping stylist says (like adorning their head with skunk stripes or getting the same cookie-cutter haircut that looks good on no one) no matter how it actually becomes THAT particular person.
On the other hand, you have me, a homebleached blonde who hasn't changed her hair in decades and snips off the dead ends herself.
Still, I think it fits ME, though.
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