Halloween Mid Life Sadness

J and I are going to a party this Saturday after Halloween. I'm going as a detective and J is going as an inmate. We're going this route mainly because I already have the costume (trenchcoat, fedora, etc) and it was the cheapest set up we could do. Next year we'll go all out, most likely as a geisha and samuri, when we aren't so tight with our budgets.

Earlier I told my boss that I am going to be the least sexiest costume wearer at this party. The women there range from 39-50 something and they all have ass-skimming, skin tight, boobs-hanging-out costumes. I'm concerned and anxious because I know I'll be so embarrassed for them. I mean, can we say Mid Life Crisis? Like those men who turn 50 and buy a red convertible, these women are trying to dress their aging and not-so-sexy bodies in sexy costumes. And for what? I just don't get it. Grosses me out. I'm just turning 30 and feel its not appropriate for ME to dress sexy - the best I got is fishnets and heels to go with my trench. That's it yo.

So what's your costume for this year? (Or your kiddos...)

This and that

I think we could all use a little reminder on how to be the best in our relationships. I read this today and got a little boost from it:

http://zenhabits.net/2008/10/listen-up-how-honest-communication-can-save-your-marriage/#more-1500

On the last post - I know I seemed a little bent out of shape about the friends thing. Truth? I'm not fond of change. Its tough these days to keep in touch with my good friends. The TRUE ones. If it weren't for blogging and email, it would be even harder. Who has time to fit in hour phone calls and the time to make plans every weekend to catch up? Its really tough. Michelli put it best in my comments.

That post was basically about a couple friend I inherited through J. They just don't seem to know the meaning of friendship, respect, or selfishness. I was offended by their actions (or lack thereof). The guy called J last night to have us over for dinner tonight. I guess as a sort of "make up" dinner. I'm torn about it. On one hand I don't want to be like them and not show, but I'm still just a little peeved. There was no apology, no measley "Sorry dude, I got caught up," phone call to J. I also feel like I don't have the time to go either. So, so much to do in the evenings.

Oh, and he threw in a little jab about not having a watch or a schedule. Again, are we not important enough to remember a dinner date with us? Or TWO dinner dates for that matter?? Its just not that hard. I don't get it.

What would you do? Would you go?

To-do list time! Oh how I love scratching off the list:

Stamps for invitations
Address invitations
Finish making bridesmaid jewelry (one left!)
Break in shoes
Marriage license

More on that list, but my breathing was starting to shorten while typing that, so I'll stop there. :)

Off to email our pre-marital counselor. I'm so excited about this! When I asked J how he felt about the pre-marital session, he told me that we were only going to do this marrige thing once. He said he didn't want to half ass it, he wants it to be right and if it means pre-marital counseling, then bring it on.

I so heart him.

P.S. - thinking about a new project. A new site, if you will. Shoot me an email if you want the link when its up yo: blueeyez055@aol.com.

With Friends Like These...

Remember the days when your best friend gave you half her sandwich because you forgot your lunch? Or would call your loser boyfriend to break up with him for you? Remember the days when she cried because you were crying from heartache over the break up of the "love of your life" at 14?

I remember. Where did those friends go?

Do people just get tired of being a good friend? Do they get jaded over the years by the rotten apples and decide Why bother? and become bad friends themselves?

Maybe. But I do remember what it was to once have good friends. I had a friend who used to send me lil cards and hand written letters when she visited her parents over Spring Break. She knew my favorite color, food, music, band, pants size and exactly how to shield me from a certain guy in my life that just wouldn't leave me be. She would always put me first, which made it so easy to put her first. We shared clothes, stayed up late talking about our dating troubles, cried while watching sappy movies together.

Sure, people get older and have less time for this stuff. Sure, she was bipolar and let the crazy take over and I ended up having to say goodbye (another story) but the point is - it can be done.

People can make the conscious effort to call on birthdays, to equally give as well as take, to speak kindly and treat their friend's loved ones with respect.

To not stand people up when invited to dinner, not just once, but TWICE.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but I want to be treated the way I treat people and I just don't feel like its that hard.

Know what I mean??

Sale!! Early Christmas Shopping!

So I just went through my metal phase. Well, I'm still sort of in it, but winter always brings back my love for all things chunky and rich and deep in color.

I just put lots of lovelies on sale so go have a look! http://www.jilllamonte.etsy.com/ - CRAZY SALE LINK!

Items reduced up to 60% off original price. I usually do this a little later in the fall but with the wedding I thought it would be nice for my friends to be able to shop early for Christmas as I'll be MIA during December. :)

I'm anxiously awaiting my order for winter stones. Reds, greens, deep blues and black. Even a little purple and gold coming up for my LSU fans!

Oh and one more thing: free shipping for items over $10!! FREE. As in ZERO MONEY for shipping. :) Just let me know what you want and I'll reserve a listing just for you with the free shipping applied. I'm doing this only for my blog visitors and myspace friends.

Thanks and happy shopping!!

Engagement Photos!!

Well, we finally got to have a look at the engagement photos last night! We're so tickled with the turn out. It was quite embarrassing taking them but seeing them makes it well worth it.

Babers looks so handsome in these. Oh and a week before these were taken I realized that we hadn't really coordinated our outfits. It just so happened that he had a shirt to match the one I wanted to wear. See? Meant to be, in every way. Awww....

And by the way, I spared you guys on the mushy ones. I mean really mushy.

"Put your hand on his face."

"Tuck your hand under her chin."

"Look into her eyes. Jill, close yours."

"Get closer, now be serious. No smiling."

And of course when you tell us not to smile that just creates mayhem. J and I not smile? Pfft. Preposterous!

Being Busy Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?

Surely you've heard of the saying that distance makes the heart grow fonder. Wait. Or is it stronger? Anyway... I've learned of a new one this weekend.

J and I went to Home Depot for some, well, house stuff Saturday morning. The hall bathroom was a hideous green and pink flowered wall paper. J and I (mostly J) have ripped the paper off and are looking at bare walls. I got to pick out a pretty lil trimmer brush and we got some other items to make-under this bathroom.

After, J heads to his parents to change the oil in my car and I head to Jen's to get my hair did, a little pre-bridal photos practice for next weekend. (Ahhh! Next weekend!)

I get home and start cleaning. J is finishing the fence and working on the last few pieces of wallpaper in the bathroom. Then I start dinner. Crab cakes and green bean casserole. And then the LSU game is on and I'm making jewelry and watching Sex in the City in another room.

What? I know! I HATED it. Well, until I got so enthralled with the movie and then it was okay for a minute. And then I got all pouty again. But it was only 2 hours in separate rooms. We're going to be that old couple that dies together holding hands.

Sorry, that was morbid.

Sunday its more cleaning and laundry and jewelry and another football game. (Curse you Football Gods!!!) Then Toot turned 8 and we went to Jen's for present opening and cake and ice cream.

Before you know it, its 8pm and we're done with everything we need to do. And I just look at him and all the love I have for him wells up in me and I kiss him like he's been away on a business trip or something. I mean a big ole smooch. We're talking butterflies. It felt like I hadn't really been with him even though we were in the same house working together for 2 days straight.

I can just see it now. Three years later with baby and boutique and we'll have to pencil each other in our schedules for smooch fests. Yikes!

Or maybe, when we're not liking each other so much in the future, when I'm in menopause and a royal PITA and he's got ear hair and doesn't pick up his socks, I'll yell at him "OH just go somewhere for a few days!!!" and we'll get that loving feeling back again...

Bad Bloglines, bad!

Grrr. So my mom asks me if I've seen the improvements on her blog yesterday and I say No, I didn't realize you updated or posted. I go and check my bloglines and *gasp* - it has been keeping secrets from me! All this time I thought you guys weren't blogging but you were and bloglines did not alert me.

I feel so betrayed... how am I supposed to stay organized and keep my life simple if my organizing tools don't do their job? Well, bloglines is going to bed without supper tonight, that's all I gotta say.

In the meantime, picked up a pretty yesterday for my Jillry party this Friday!



























I hope to read my missed posts today. In the meantime, Happy Hump Day!

Randomness

10.5 random word association

http://randomeme4u.blogspot.com/

Halloween style

I say...you think

1. Halloween: fun!

2. Candy: corn

3. Costume: detective (j's going to be the inmate)

4. October: my birth month

5. Witch: Sarah Jessica Parker. Not sure why.

6. Pumpkin: What Daddy calls me

7. Grim Reaper: creepy

8. Haunted: house!

9. Spooky: my new home's creaks and noises at night!

10. Paranormal: State (me and J love that show!)

till next time...

Ga Ga

That's my word for today. Ga ga. Over so many things...

But one in particular: my bridal necklace.

Yesterday my mother and I went shopping for her mother of the bride gown. Unfortunately we weren't quite in the season for this type of apparel. Apparently women only dress in formals for Christmas. *stare*

Anyway, weird as that shopping trip was, after 4 stores with hardly anything in stock, we headed back home. We picked up my gown while we were out and the length was perfect. Looking in the mirror, I watched the seamstress teach my Mom how to bustle the train and I almost cried, it was so beautiful.

Then we get home and Mom starts digging in her jewelry stash and pulls out this gorgeous piece. My breathe catches in my throat, but I'm so picky and worry. I put the necklace on and me, my sis, and mother ooo and ahhh.

Well that did it. Jen and I just had to put our gowns on, (my second time for that day, which is no easy feat) - my bridal gown and her bridesmaid gown. The necklace is perfect. The red of her dress against the white of mine, just gorgeous. Our gowns, elegant.

Now the burden of making my own jewelry is off my shoulders. Plus, the piece is either my mother's or my sister's, so it can be used as my "something borrowed".

My something old will be my mother's rosary, given to her as a wedding present from my father many moons ago. My aunt has a six pence for my shoe. Now I just need to work on the others. Something new and something blue.

Still on the search for the perfect Father/Daughter song. Wish me luck.

Time for some photo action

These photos are a few weeks old, from the first party J and I had at our new house. We watched the LSU game of course and I made a big ole pot of red beans and rice, coleslaw, and deviled eggs. And my favorite people in the whole wide world were there. There are many more photos, but some people just don't appreciate having their photo splashed on the internet. So weird, I know... ;)













You KNEW me and Jen were going do the photo thing. You know you love it.











I am in love with these shoes. Sadly, they are not as comfortable as they look...

Who IS that handsome Grizzly Babers?

This is supposed to be a photo of my brother. He will not stay still for a photo to save his life. So I had to hold a fluff conversation with my SIL and slowly sneak the camera up to snap a surprise shot. Damn flash gave me away. Good thing his wifey is cute.

We may still be doing this when we're in our 70's...

This was taken the night before at a friend of ours house. We always go there for bonfires during the fall. Hopefully we'll have a fire pit soon and have our friends over to OUR house!

This evening I'm going to see my sister's new salon. Today is their grand opening! I'm so proud of her. I can't believe she's come this far in such a little amount of time.

Also, J and I are putting up the fence. Doesnt' that sound very adult?

What are you doing Friday night?

Oh, just putting up a fence.

And... making Jillry. I'm... crazy in the head, I suppose, because I am having a Jillry party at my house this coming Friday. I know, I'm insane! I blab about all the crap I have to do and I add this to the mix, but the thing is - I enjoy this. I mean really enjoy it. So its not work for me. I'll get to hang with my girls and meet some new people and help everyone out with early Christmas presents. That's what I love most. Being able to help the women (and men) in my life pick a piece of jewelry that's perfect for their loved one without having to visit store after store after store.


I guess I should mention I'm having a CRAZY SALE right now, shouldn't I?

http://www.jilllamonte.etsy.com/

Marked lots of my stuff down up to 60% and have loads of new stuff up. Still in the works of loading more. I so love this! Oh and I've made a new friend at work and she is crazy about the same stuff as I: jewelry, heels and boutiques! She wants to someday be a partner with me when I get my boutique. My ultimate dream would be to have 4 of my favorite girls join in together, that way it won't feel like work.

I could ramble about this for days but I won't bore you any longer.

What are you crazy about?

Hope you liked the photos. See you guys soon. Peace out.

Today's A New Day

Thanks for the encouragement y'all. Sometimes I just need to rid myself of the negative feelings and anxiety verbally to get past it. I try my best to be as self aware as possible... I never want to be that chic that does nothing but whine or be negative, which is why I had taken a bit of a leave. But anyway, today is new day. And I'm treating it as so.

Biggest thing on my mind this morning: Bachlorette party! Right now I can actually visualize some of you rubbing your instigating little hands together, so I'm going to open the gates: what are YOUR ideas for the best bachlorette party ever? Now, let's face it, there's always a budget. We ain't po folk, but I sure don't want to be breaking me and my girls' pocketbooks over one day/night. And I'm not really the go-out-to-a-bar-and-get-blasted-wearing-a-condom-decorated-veil kinda gal.

So anyways, bring on those ideas. While my sister and sis-in-law are on top of it, I'm sure they wouldn't mind a little input from the bride, right? ;)

House update: I've told myself to get over the speckled-with-visitor-dirt white ceramic floors and the mopping of the bathrooms. Thank you, ladies, for that. Last night I did a quick inventory of the Goodwill pile and packed it all nice and neat for delivery. I also brought all the boxes peeking at me in my den to the extra room/office. Right now I keep wanting to call it the "Junk Room", God forbid. Hopefully one day soon it will be the Office/Craft Room.

Wait. Did you hear that? Yep. Angels singing. Craft room.

Also, I want to get big plant for a corner in my den. Any suggestions?

Lessening the load: Okay, this is really hard for me to say, but, I MAY relieve myself of making the bridesmaid jewelry. As much as I want to proudly look at my girls necks and ears all blinged out compliments of me, the thought of actually creating these pieces makes me want to VOMIT. Have no idea why. When I make a piece to sell online, that's one thing. When I try to make a piece for myself or a friend, its seriously hard for me. I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to personal jewelry, I guess.

And now for the fun stuff: I've hired my mom (with payments of love of course) to help me seek the perfect wedding songs. While digging with her, I came across this song for the vocalist during our ceremony: Matthew West - You Are Everything. That links up to my Myspace page (yes, I'm a dorkus). Scroll underneath my profile pic to my music player, he's listed twice (because again, I am a dorkus, dorkus maximus, that is).

Isn't it GOOSE-BUMPABLE??? So yesterday I'll all excited thinking this just may be THE song and I get into my car for my ride home and *gasp* its the first song that comes on. A sign? I think so.

Now me and Mom are trying to find a Father/Daughter dance, and then next will be the Mother/Son dance. And I'm sure you're wondering, What about you and J's dance? Rascal Flatts - Bless the Broken Road. Please, listen closely to the words. Its PERFECT for us. I'm a bit nervous about the condition of my makeup after this dance though. This song cannot be played without me crying. Not sniffles y'all, full out tears falling down the cheeks kinda crying. I just watched that YouTube video I linked and yep, had to grab the tissue to stick in my eyes. I knew this was the song I wanted us to first dance to even before he proposed. :)

Alright, that's all for now. Oh wait - how do we like the new blog colors? They were giving me a headache reversed like that. They don't match as well with my header, but I'm sure I'll be working on a new one soon anyway....

Going to head to the kitchen for my red grapes and diet coke break. Off to visit all my favorites too! Muah!

Come on December 14...

I’m still having bad dreams about J. Last night I woke up at 4am. He and I were at an outdoor party and he got an emergency phone call from a friend of his girlfriend, saying she was ill and needed him to come right away.

He didn’t even look apologetic when I questioned him, completely unaware of how desperate I was in front of his friends to know the truth. I followed him. He took great care to carry this woman and put her on the couch and wipe her forehead with a damp cloth. It broke my heart.

In all my dreams I give him my ring back. I never say anything, just place it in front of him and walk away. In my dreams he’s leaving me, cheating on me, pretending I’m not there. Acting as if I'm a bother. Which is far from reality, but still, it takes hours sometimes to shake the feelings of that dream.

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Our pastor backed out on us due to his health a few weeks ago. Since then, I’ve been asking every Tom, Dick and Harry for their suggestions. I’ve called a reverend who married some friends of mine, one who would be open to marry J and I even with our different religions. For two weeks I've been getting an answering machine and a “Mailbox Full” every time. I was really hoping he would be the solution. *sigh* (Thanks for your help anyway Michelli!)

Latest is, there may be someone in J’s church that could do it. I've asked J to handle it, I just can’t keep this anxiety over the to-do’s in my life right now. I’m tired of feeling anxious all the time, tired of worrying about everything. Did I take the meat out to thaw? What are we going to wear for our engagement shots? Does J have shoes for that? Will I be able to find beads in my stash to whip up something for A’s prom barrettes before Friday? How will I fit everything in this weekend? When will I have time to exercise, my ass is getting bigger and I have a dress to fit into… When will I be able to mop the floors, finish the orders, contribute to the hall bathroom wallpaper fiasco, make the bridesmaid jewelry, meet with the florist, purchase a going-away outfit, choose a ceremony song?? Work out so I won’t be worrying about how I look like in my swimsuit on our honeymoon, and most of all, how I’ll look in my gown on the most important day of my life! And still fit time in for friends and family? “You never answer your phone anymore!” I’m exhausted. That half hour I will spend listening to you bitch about your worthless boyfriend? I could use that time to clean the toilets, make dinner, finish an order. Sorry. Stand in line.

Lately I look in the mirror and do NOT like the woman looking back at me. I KNOW it’s the stress. My skin is so pale, my body is not toned. I’m growing out my hair a bit so I can do something with it for the wedding and right now it is dragging my face down. I put on eye makeup and half way through the day I look like I’ve run a mile and it’s all gone. I cannot wait until December 14, after the wedding, after the preparations. I’m so ready to let all of this go. To be me again. To not worry about things. I’m holding back tears right now typing this. Probably not a good idea to do this at work.

I had hoped to come back with great news, with an uplifting post but really, I needed to come back for a little release. I can let go here, not burden my family or J with these thoughts. If you guys don’t want to listen, you can just leave – I won’t be hurt if you don’t listen, cuz I won’t know! Lol.

We did have our engagement shots this weekend, which was really a lot of fun. I’ll post those once we get them back.

I’m still visiting everyone. Reading your posts entertain me during the slow parts of my work day. Apologies if I don’t comment, I often just… don’t have anything witty to say. Miss you all. Promises of a happier post to come…