A name for our little monkey

For us, picking out a name for our child gave us a bit of anxiety. The permanence of it. That along with making sure he or she didn't end up with initials that would ensure childhood jokes. And last but not least, choosing a name that wouldn't blend into the crowd or end up on the Top 10 Baby Names list the following year.

We wanted something strong and unique. Something we wouldn't grow tired of. A name that fit us as parents as well as our baby.

After weeks of tossing around names we decided to sweep the issue under the rug until the sonogram. Once we found out the sex of our child we'd be able to eliminate half the names.

A couple of weeks or so after we found out we were having a son I got a text from the Baberhusband with an idea. A name. One that finally stirred something inside me. Just the night before we retired a name we were sort of holding onto, a name that we liked but had reservations about. When we found out yet another person named their son that same name we both agreed to lay it to rest. So, reading this text from J excited me:

"What about Bo?" I stared at the text. Bo. And then it clicked. I immediately called him.

"Like from the childhood story you've told me?" Yes, he tells me. I get a little teary-eyed, but being the commitment-phob I am, I tell him maybe, that we would have to talk more about it and likely spell it a different way. Beau was much more pleasing to the eye, I thought. He agreed.

My husband was a very mischievious little boy to say the least. I love when he starts in on one of his stories from his childhood... how he and his cousin did such-and-such and got in trouble for it, how he accidentally locked and shut the door of his mom's truck while his infant brother and the keys were still in it because he wanted to "Help Mommy". So many hilarious stories of he and his grandfather.

When J told me how as a young child he was unable to pronounce "boy" and said "bo" instead, it melted my heart. Patting his lap for Jason to sit on, his grandfather would say "You my little boy?"

"I not a little bo, Paw Paw," he would say. "I'm a big bo."

I spent some time saying the name in my head. I loved the sound of it. Most of all I loved how it just felt right. It was like the saying When you know, you just know.

And so from a sweet little memory of my husband's childhood comes our son's name. Beau Isaac. Isaac is Jason's middle name, a family name. One that we both love because of its strength and uniqueness and have always agreed to carry on.

Beau is also a very strong name... it means handsome. How much better can you get than that? ;) More than anything I love that my husband picked it out. It makes me feel proud to be his wife.

Today I'm 26 weeks, 4 days pregnant. And that much closer to meeting our little Beau Isaac.

Losing Stuff

Stumbling and waddling down the hall this morning after Baber to kiss him bye, something comes to me:

I'm losing EVERYTHING.

My memory is gone. As in checked out and hasn't returned. I'm a bit paranoid about making mistakes with Jillry so I'm writing things down everywhere and listing everything.

I recently lost my toes. Oh where, oh where have my little toes gone, oh where, oh where can they beeee....

My waist. Pretty much gone.

My balance. Love for cooking. Care for cleaning.

In my college days I had this theory that the world had just so much of certain things and us earth-dwellers shared those things. The amount of weight in the world was constant: If I stepped on the scales and saw I gained a few pounds, sure enough my friend had lost a few. She'd laugh and say I gained the weight she lost.

Or love. By my senior year I decided that I had had enough love in my life, that maybe I was supposed to be single. That I had experienced my fair share of love and there was just so much that existed. My turn was over.

When I graduated and had a job waiting for me I decided that it was what I got in return for love lost. So you may lose in one department but gain in another area of life.

Hey, I was young. *shrug* But wait, I think I want to use that theory just one more time, if I can.

I may have lost my girlish figure, my ability to remember whether I washed my hair yesterday or not, the pep in my step, but I'm gaining something in return. Something so much larger than all those things that I imagine I'll never miss them again when he arrives.

Yesterday I was driving across town and as the baby kicked I swore that in my peripheral vision I saw my stomach move. I placed my hand on my tummy and the feel of him kicking from both inside and out was just ... crazy. This is what Jason is feeling, I thought. It could have been my mess of emotions or even the song playing in the background that heightened the moment for me, but I just started crying. Silly pregnant girl driving down the road, just a bawling.

So yeah. I may have lost all control of my emotions, but in return of all the things I've lost there's so much more to gain. Our son. :)

Fourteen more weeks to go Baby Beau. We can't wait to see who's responsible for Mama's "lost stuff".

Moments to Remember

Mother's Day was one to remember this year. Though with both J and I working long hours, we struggled to find the best presents for our mommies. After fretting for the longest week ever about it, the weekend comes and goes in a flash.

But one moment on Mother's Day Eve felt like a moment paused in time. One I hope and wish that I will remember always.

Some people told me before Mother's Day that I'm not quite a mother yet. Others told me I most definitely am, I'm with child after all. I shrugged it off, it wasn't something I thought much about. After all, I wasn't running around toting children to school events, disciplining and bathing and picking up toys. I certainly don't feel like a mother yet.

But on Saturday night I was celebrated as Mommy-to-be. After my nightly ritual, I crawled into bed with my sweet husband and was surprised by a pretty bag he had waiting for me.

What's this? I ask. I am genuinely surprised. My husband just smiles at me with the biggest grin he owns. Its then that I realize I may not quite be a mother yet, but to him I am essentially the mother of his children. I open the bag with serious love in my heart and tears in my eyes.



















Baber had carefully chosen two frames for me: one for the refrigerator with a magnet on it that said I Love My Mommy and another standing frame with So Little, So Loved on it, both containing photos from the sonogram of our little monkey in them. The standing frame resides on my bedside table, specifically the place J meant for it to be. Now I wake up to little kicks every morning and the photo of our baby.

Wait, I've gotten ahead of myself. As if the frames on their own weren't enough for this first-time mother, my creative husband had also carefully selected two cards for me to read. One was a sweet card from husband, wishing his wife a Happy Mother's Day. The second was a card... from baby.

On the outside of the card there was a simple photo of a dog peeking out of a wooden bucket. Somewhat similiar to Mini's appearance. Inside was a letter from our son. He's still in the womb and look how brilliant he is already! So much of this moment I'd like to keep for ourselves, so I'll paraphrase a little:

"Daddy always tells me how pretty you are and I always hear him telling you how much he loves you."

"It hasn't been very long, but I want you to know I love you so much already."

Oh, and let's not forget the last line that had me laughing through my mess of emotions:

"P.S. - Is that what Mini looks like?"

Just typing these lines from the card has me tearing up again. When Jason does something for me, he does it so right, with so much thought and love that it just shakes me. It reminds me of how lucky I am that we found each other and get to spend our lives together.

Moments like these comfort me and console me when I'm feeling down in my pregnancy... it helps me remember that I am not alone in this. That just because I'm the one carrying our child doesn't mean that my husband is just an innocent bystander. He's living this too. He's very much feeling this too. And like me, he can't wait to meet our little Beau.

Just a couple of snapshots taken on the evening of Mother's Day:



































Hubby pulled up three chairs for us to relax in after a long, but yet somehow quick, Mother's Day. One for each of our behinds and one to prop my feet upon. Oh and of course, for Mini to nap on.

With a glass of tea for me and a beer for Baber, we sat and talked about the weekend that had just passed. About our baby's name. What he will look like. The things we can't wait to experience with him.

Thanks Baber, for making me feel special on Mother's Day. And hey, while I'm at it: thanks for taking care of me and for putting up with my nutty cuckoo moments, my fading memory, my new clumsiness. For responding with a smirk and a laugh when I'm being difficult.

I love you.

Baby Catch Up: Baby's Room & More

There's so much to blog about these days and I just can't seem to organize it all. Let's start with this:

Today is Friday, May 14th. Tomorrow I'll be 25 weeks pregnant. A recent pic of my protruding belly:


















I know, my hair looks so cute that short, right? J and I had an early day off a few weeks ago so we ran off to the river for some lazying around. But, not before some photos. While my tank showed off my belly, it also showed off my ghostly, sun-untouched skin. So my husband gladly stood in for the photo. :)

Mini really enjoys when we get to sneak off to the river for a little family time. J lays a blanket on the sand for us to sprawl on, so we're down on her puppy level. Once we're on the blanket, she runs circles around and through us on the blanket, kicking sand up all over us. She thinks she's so funny.





































































In the past few weeks we've gotten our dream glider and ottoman for baby's room, fallen in love with a name for our son and picked out a crib bedding set. So much is happening so fast and I'm trying to log as much as possible.

A few photos of the new glider & ottoman, compliments of Baber's parents:





































































Mini jumped up on the new glider with me so I could test it out. She's our first baby - I wonder how she'll react when our bebe boy arrives? Its obvious that she knows I'm with child, she rarely lets me hold her these days and when I do get ahold of her, she wiggles her body around so she's not laying on the baby bump.

And our precious new crib bedding, compliments of my parents:
















I have so much running through my head on paint and accessories for the little guy's room and have sketched it in my head a few dozen times.

As for the baby's name, I'll save that for another post. It deserves it's own, don't you think?

It's a boy!

By now, you've probably all heard that we're having a baby boy, so this post is for me, for Baber, for baby, so that I can continue to log and remember the little things about this crazy-amazing thing called pregnancy.

Baber started counting down the days prior to "The Appointment". One week! 4 more days! 2 more days! I found the closer we got to the sonogram appointment, the harder I dug my heels into Time. Stoooppp! Let's wait a little longer. I was actually jittery-nervous the day of the appointment.

The actual sonogram was a wonderful experience in itself. We walked into the room and the sweet technician introduced herself and dimmed the lights... and I swear I felt like I was in a movie, it was so... surreal? This is it, I thought. We're already here and the rest is going to fly by.

J joked about them needing a bigger flatscreen to view baby on and grabbed hold of my hand. After showing us our baby's profile and feet, she confirmed again that we wanted to know the sex.

Well there he is and he's not shy at all! says the technician. I could only see J's profile but he had the biggest grin on his face. A boy!! And then there were tissues and jokes about our son's package, sonogram photos printed and well wishes given. I hope I never forget that day.

Here's are some photos of us the day of the big appointment, 21 weeks along:

And my usual pregnancy log....

Today I am 22 weeks, 5 days pregnant. Funny enough, I started feeling the baby move right after the sonogram. For weeks J and I were laying in bed with his hand on my tummy, trying to concentrate and feel the baby. Nothing. But last week I started feeling him move around and J would rush over to place his hand on my tummy. "There! You feel it?" and disappointment would register on his face as he shook his head. Well, he finally felt him kick one night and now we lay in bed and feel the little bugger cut up before nigh nigh. Its such an incredible feeling.

Cravings: I expected to have some crazy cravings, but I still really don't crave anything specific. Just whatever I see on TV, ha! I'm wanting to crunch ice like I did early in my pregnancy, so snowcones are a favorite treat, but we've only stopped for a couple since the summer officially started. Basically, I just want food in general. :)

Names: The more we talk, the more we want to keep the name private until closer to time. We do have a couple that we are talking about, but nothing fully decided on yet.

Size of the baby: A little over a pound and 10 inches or so in length.

Changes in me: I feel really, really good these days. Besides a little lower back pain after a long day of work, I'm fine. Balance is lost as is my memory. I weeble wobble down the halls in the morning, I think I need to bumper pad the walls. I'm always in a great mood. My skin looks healthier... and so do my thighs. *snicker*

Changes in husband: What can I say? He's... everything I could ask for and more. Supportive. Helpful. My best friend. Tells me I'm pretty every single day, laughs when I gawk at my belly in the mirror, brings me to get snowcones even when he doesn't want one. Consoles me when I fuss about my fluffiness. Tucks me into my pillow fort at night. Rubs my belly before bed, a great comfort that lulls me into sleep.

He and I both have been working insane hours, so considering the stress and lack of time spent together, its a wonder we haven't bitten each other's heads off. Instead, we get into bed as early as we can and talk. About work. Life. Our son. On the rare day he gets off early, we sneak off to the river with our puppy monster and a towel to sprawl on for some lazy family time. Mini loves these rare occasions best, she squeezes in between us and begs for pets. Runs circles around us and through us, trying to see how sandy she can get us. She knows something is up.

That's it for today. Until next time... xo

Pregnancy Thoughts and Observations: Part 1

Earlier this week I posted a facebook status update that says: "I can physically feel my belly stretching. If one more person tells me they just loooovvedd being pregnant, I'm going to smack 'em!"

Baber gets my notification, reads it and starts laughing. Just moments earlier he asked me if he could get me something while I was huffing and puffing, to which I replied: my allergy medicine, eye drops, some lotion... After I took care of my new, obnoxious allergy issues, I sat back down and was convinced my belly was going to pop. Hurled myself up and literally spread my entire body across the length of the sectional to get some relief, which made J laugh again.

I am forever uncomfortable and I'm only halfway through this. *sigh*

Baber came over and said that someone suggested getting me a maternity massage. I scrunched up my nose. He told me Yeah, I knew you wouldn't like one of those. (I love that he knows me so well.) I told him that he was the only one who could touch the belly right now and get away with it. I then had violent images of karate chopping people in the neck as they reached towards my ever-growing belly. And then J gave me his own belly massage, basically him just rubbing the budda belly, which I actually enjoyed.

I told him that while I loved watching my belly grow and imagining the miracle taking place inside it, I missed my body. I miss being able to just throw myself around and be silly with him like I used to. Being active. Before, I had this thing I did before getting into bed. He would be ready before me and already be in the bed. Towel drying my face, I'd peek in at him in the bed, hang up the towel and literally run and throw myself at him in the bed. As in, leap and hurl my body through the air into the bed beside him, slamming into him. Not very feminine, but it always sent us into giggles.

Middle of my belly rub I tell him how I miss that. He laughed and said he didn't realize how physical we were with each other until now, now that we can't be.

These are just thoughts, just observations... I know I won't be pregnant my whole life. Still, its funny the things you think of while pregnant.

And the dreams! If I could hold onto something from pregnancy, that would be one thing I'd vote to keep. They're so incredibly vivid. Not always good, but I remember so much when I wake up.

One more thing... I believe I'm feeling the baby move around now. Little bumps, flutters and such. The Baberhusband and I now have a ritual every night: He tucks a gazillion pillows around me and I settle in, then he cups his hand over my protruding belly. It's so incredibly soothing for me, his hand so warm - I swear it helps me sleep better. And we just lay there like that for a while. We concentrate and I tell him when I feel the baby move. He laughs at me when my face lights up and tells me he wishes he could feel it. Soon, I tell him, you'll be able to feel and SEE it move.

When I'm watching him while we're like that, I almost believe that he would have willingly carried the baby himself if he could and I just have this feeling, this amazing feeling that he's going to be an incredible daddy.

That's all for now.... just a few random thoughts circulating that I needed to let loose. I'm hoping to have some updated bump photos soon and a pregnancy update after we find out the sex of the baby, which is this Monday!

NOTE: I will no longer be sharing my updated post links on Facebook. Unfortunately a handful of sourpusses like to take things I say and run with them, giving me their unwelcome negative advice and thoughts on my pregnancy. I figure, I'm allowing them to purge their thoughts because I'm technically sharing mine with them. While a lot of my friends have been amazingly encouraging and supportive in this first pregnancy of mine, others feel the need to remind me that "its a blessing to have children" when I make an offhand comment about a rare bad day. We're all human, learning along the way. These posts are for me to remember this pregnancy by, to update and share with those that love and care about me and my family. So, if you want to receive my updates I'd be more than happy to send you the links, just let me know.

Bump Bump Bump

Good morning. Its 7am Tuesday morning. Even though I'm relapsing on this cold, again, I had a great night's sleep. Pregnancy has completely changed me and its all about learning what works for you to get through it as comfortably as possible. For me, a good night's sleep means exhausting yourself during the day...

Today I am 18 weeks, 3 days pregnant. I promised you baby bump pics, so here you go:

Still kind of hard to see, but its THERE. I am completely past the days of sleeping on my tummy now. And I still haven't mastered the side-sleeping position. My pre-pregnancy pants no longer have a chance.

Cravings: Still love my oranges, but since it became a little warmer out I'm using them for Orange Julius drinks. So refreshing! I'll share the recipe in a following post.

Also can't get enough Raisin Bran Crunch with sliced strawberries and/or bananas. Thankfully I'm craving healthy stuff and spend way too much time in the produce section of the grocery store these days!















Names: Definitely want to use Jason's middle name Isaac if its a bebe boy. Not sure if we'll use it as a middle or last name. We've tossed a few names around but for some reason I'm feeling very protective of the names we've picked. The last thing I want to see is someone scrunch up their nose at a name we love. I may share later on.

Finding out the sex: 3 more weeks.

Size of the baby: 5 1/2 inches long, the length of a bell pepper. (Is a bebe-pepper?)

Changes in me: The belly is protruding a little more these days. I went to the zoo this weekend with Jen, Toot and Baber and wore a fitted non-maternity top (that used to be loose on me, WAH!) and Jen said I finally look pregnant, so we took a pic of my belly.

A very surprising change: I'm suddenly a milk drinker. As a baby I was lactose intolerant and never really got over my dislike for milk. Now, I find myself fixing a bowl of cereal just to down the sweet milk leftover.

Changes in husband: He's putting his hand/ear/face on my belly every chance he gets. And still very protective, which I'm loving every minute of. :)

My next appointment: April 19th. Ultrasound!

Back to US.

Good morning. *yawn* Just had two mini sausage biscuits for breakfast, the ones Mom used to make for us as kids before school. Remember those? They are just as yummy as I remembered them to be. Pregnancy has lessened my love for cooking lately, so I've found myself searching for quick fixes such as this to make my day easier. I hope the love comes back. Grocery shopping isn't nearly as fun either...

Today is Tuesday. Its wet and yucky outside. I'm 15 weeks, 3 days along.

Over the last few nights I've slept with a spare pillow tucked under me as I lay on my side. The days of sleeping straight on my belly are pretty much over and I am sad. I'm very much a stomach sleeper. I wake very often to flip because an arm has fallen asleep. I need to take a class on how to sleep on your side.

Last night I had Official Breakdown #2. (If you missed the first one, it was really silly and really not worth repeating... I let a few inconsiderate people aggravate me and became really agitated... annnd had a bit of an adult temper tantrum. Went to my room to puff, J came after me, snuggled me and gave me "that look" until I started laughing. That man is something else.)

J and I have been in a rut lately. Before I had mentioned that I felt as if we were just *waiting* for baby to arrive. Quietly doing our own things on opposite ends of the couch, occasionally talking here and there. Lately I've been bothered by our routine...

Wake up, work, come home. TV, computer, iPhone games, books. Dinner, then more of the same before bed.

Let's be honest, I'm much more emotional now. So on the nights when my books don't satisfy me and there's nothing on the television, my mind starts to wonder.

Is he bored with me?
Things are changing so fast...
My belly is jelly. I eat more often. Is that gross to him?
I don't want to cook like before, am I neglecting him?

And so last night I break down a little. I'm struggling with finishing my taxes and it weakens my spirit. So I close the computer and lay across the sectional with him. He's staring at me and rubbing my belly and pushing my messy hair behind my ears. And I can't help it so I let it all out, tell him everything about my recent insecurities. He smiles, nods, listens.

I also tell him I'm scared. I was never the woman who wanted children ever since she could remember. And I don't remember truly having baby fever. The idea of carrying a child has always freaked me out a little. The idea of not being in control, of changing so much.

He says I'm pregnant, I'm supposed to be eating more. He tells me I hardly look any different than before besides the protruding bump beneath my belly button.

He says You don't like change. Things are going to change babe, but we're facing good changes.

He comforts me, let's me cry and I feel better. He tells me I'm beautiful and thanks me for carrying his child. I thank him for letting me purge.

I realize how lucky I am to have him. I know that life is all about change. Still, the unknown shakes me. But I know he's beside me the whole way and that comforts me.

I tell him I want to get back to us. And then I go make myself something else to eat... :)

Before I go, a few things to log for baby:

Cravings: oranges, oranges, oranges. I was all about pickles there for a minute, though that may have had something to do with the heartburn I had every night. Drinking straight from the pickle jar most nights to cool the burn.

Heartburn: Pretty much gone. I'm eating small meals throughout the day to lessen bloating and potential heartburn. I laugh and say I'm high maintenance now. I feel like Pam on The Office with my first breakfast and second breakfast, dinner and second dinner. Turkey and cheese on a piece of wheat, an orange, a small helping of dinner, etc. I've noticed this way of eating helps tremendously. Learning along the way...

Names: We're still not taking this part seriously. When someone asks what we're going to name the baby, Baber says "Drew Brees Brett Favre". My brother and dad got a good kick outta that one. We're just waiting until we find out the sex, that should make it a little easier.

Finding out the sex: 5 more weeks.

Size of the baby: 4 inches long, the size of an apple. (A baberapple?) Think the size of your fist. When I learned this I placed my hand down to my belly and looked at J. We both just stared at each other in wonder. Its not a little bean anymore!

Changes in me: My belly is still jelly, but its hardening now. When J comes in to hug and kiss me bye before work, I can feel the hard dome of my belly when he lays on me now. He's learning to arch or lay to the side of me. He does it without me telling him. Its cute.

Changes in husband: I see more of his protective side these days, to me and to the baby. I've been sick for the past two days so I've been taking the recommended dose of medicine to get me through the day. He presses me to hold off a little. I tell him its doctor approved, not to worry. Baby is okay.

My next appointment: Next week on Tuesday, March 16th.

I'll wrap up now... Off to put stew meat and gravy in the crockpot for dinner tonight; it was a request from the Baberhusband. Then off for errands and to prep for upcoming home jewelry parties and craft shows.

Its going to be a crazy weekend. I hope we have time for a date. To get back to US. :)

You just love her.

Good morning. *yawn* (Isn't that baby room the cutest?)

Its 10:45am as I'm writing this. I finally woke around 10am this morning, its become a thing for me these days. Yes, the days of waking at 6:30 with the husband, raring to go and ready to take on the world, have sadly gone. Well, maybe not sadly. (I've forgotten how good it feels to sleep in!)

Let's be honest, this blog is about happy things. Beautiful milestones, great adventures, the love of my life, my mini monster of a puppy dog. So if I've been a bit absent, please forgive me. Like all parents tell us growing up: "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

I will say this. I've been struggling. As I mentioned in my last post, I'm waiting to find the happy in this pregnancy. I WANT to be happy. Thankfully I have a handful of great friends that talk with me daily, carrying me through with words like "Its gets better, I promise." or "You'll be clear when you're out of your first trimester." I believe them, because I have to.

Unfortunately I also have "friends" that just love to feed me the negative. That, when I mention I finally got a good night's sleep they say "Enjoy it now cuz you'll never see that again!" Really? Or comments about losing your freedom forever. I mean, come on. So yeah, really holding on to those positive friends right now and my sweet SIL who tells me that your life changes for the good, that everything, EVERYTHING you go through is so worth it. And again, I believe that, because I have to.

My sweet, supportive and patient husband has been so good to me during this time. He tells me to sleep in and doesn't let me object, because he knows my guilt issues. Goes with me to the store to buy embarrassing medicinal items and laughs at me when I tell him it seems I'm buying items for an 80 year old man rather than a 31 year old pregnant woman.

He hasn't flinched when I, yet again, say that I don't want to cook. I know, ME? Not want to cook? Our fare has consisted of frozen foods, chicken salad and pizza as of late. He's taken over the laundry as well as the dishes, because I swear there's been a chemical spill underneath our kitchen sink. I've been told your sense of smell heightens, so I expected a few things. But not being able to walk in a certain area of my kitchen because the cleaning supplies under the cabinet are screaming at me? Didn't expect that.

The receptionist at our dentist office asked him the other day how I was doing. "Is she nauseous?" to which he replied Yes. "Is she moody yet?" to which he replied Yes. "You just love her," she told him. "You just love her." I cried when he told me the conversation, because really that's all we want at this point. Understanding and love. And carbs. Lots of carbs...

For a moment last night as I lay on my husband's chest in bed I felt really good. As in normal. He told me when I cry and express the things that worry my mind when I'm hurting the most really bother him, really upset him. I told him I feel as if I have nothing to talk about these days, that the sickness consumes me, and therefore brings negative thoughts. Which, of course, I have to purge or else they'll just sit and simmer. It feels better to purge them, make room for better thoughts.

I look at him and tell him just before he spoke I was thinking of baby names. He looks down and smiles, kisses me on the forehead. We both know there's good ahead and we can't wait for it.

So, I want to end this post on a good note. Today, I am 7 weeks, 2 days pregnant. The things we're looking forward to are:

Learning the sex of the baby.

Being able to hear the heartbeat.

Painting and designing the baby room.

Finally showing and having my husband lay his head on my buddha belly.

Happy Monday lovelies. *smooch* I want a cheeseburger.

The Beginning of Our Journey

So. If you haven't heard it from me directly, on Facebook or figured it out from my last post, the Baberhusband and I are having a baby! We're still pinching ourselves. I guess we really have to behave as adults now. :)

This past Monday we went for bloodwork, which confirmed the two tests I took the morning of Christmas Eve. Today we went in together for my first ultrasound. So many emotions running through us... excitement, nervousness... I have a feeling these next 8 months are going to fly by.

We got a shot of the little bean for the first time this morning. Amazing. Unbelieveable. I never understood before when people would say "Look at our baby. He/she is a miracle!" Confused, I'd think "No, its a baby. Its the result of the love between a man and a woman. Its a miniature human." and so on and so forth. Never until you are in these shoes do you understand what the miracle is. You see it from a different perspective, one I'm still unsure of how to explain. Its just plain amazing.

I want to blog as much of our journey as possible, so I'll start at the beginning...

The week of Christmas I had a feeling I could be prego. However, I had the feeling (or hope) in months before, so I tried not to let myself get excited when Mother Nature didn't deliver my monthly gift. The morning of Christmas Eve we decided to take a test...

Me: (Just waking up.) Should I take the test?
Him: (Yawning) Umm, I dunno. If you want?
Me: Well, no. I don't want to now.
Him: Huh? Why?
Me: Cause you don't want to, and if you aren't ready or excited I don't want to do it. (Huffy)
Him: (Defensive) I just woke up babe. Take the test.
Me: Nope.
Him: Babe, take it!
Me: Nope. (Hiding grin.)
Him: YOU TAKE THE TEST, NOW. (Coming to attack me.)

I giggle, cuz I win. We're fully awake now and can't avoid it any longer.

I tell myself not to look at the test until we see it together. As I'm setting it on the back of the toilet, I grimace. I may have seen it, shoot.

We brush our teeth before looking, because if its positive we'll want to play kissie face, right?

And we look. Its positive. J swears, but smiles while he does it. I snicker. We can't believe it. It doesn't feel real. Hugs, then kissie face. We look again. And just smile at each other.

We dress slowly, with a silent determination. Left foot in sock. Right foot in sock. We are going to be parents. Arm through hole. Parents. Watch, bracelet. Of a baby. Belt, shoes. A real live BABY.

J's Mom's birthday is Christmas Eve, so we have lunch with them. We both know a secret and for that hour, it was torture keeping it. But it was all ours and I will never forget those handful of hours when only we knew. The little secret smiles and hand squeezes. After lunch we ran through the rain to a drug store for another test. Which turned up positive as well. We decided to tell our parents before the night was over. It would be the best Christmas present ever.

On pretty blank cards we marked a positive and negative sign, circling the positive, and handed them to our parents as "a little something extra for Christmas". The response was too funny. J's family was excited, but you know my family went nutty cuckoo. I will never forget their response.

And here we are. Today, I am 6 weeks, 2 days pregnant. The little bean is sucking the life out of me right now. These past two weeks of holiday time has been filled with extreme nausea and exhaustion. Thankfully I received a prescription for nausea pills today, so I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I want to be happy and enjoy this time. It has been really difficult seeing through the dizzy pain and feeling that happiness. I'm hoping it will pass soon.

In the meantime, while I've been out of commission, my husband is being so very helpful and supportive. New Years Eve we laid on the couch all day together. I dozed on and off. In my pajamas. Without a stitch of makeup. Without touching my hair with a brush once. He held my hand and didn't let me think about housework or whatever needed to be done. He promised to get to it later, told me to relax. And he did. As I sit on my butt typing this, he's putting away loads of laundry that have been residing on our couch for days. Now, if I can just get him to cook.... ;)

We're curious and anxious to see how the Mini Monster is going to react to our new addition. In the months to come, we plan on slowly introducing her to the bebe. Though we're sure its too soon, we laid her on my belly so she could hear the heartbeat. We know she's going to be the best big sister.

I plan on keeping an online journal through this exciting time in our lives. I hope you will enjoy reading along.

Much love,

The BaberMama