You just love her.

Good morning. *yawn* (Isn't that baby room the cutest?)

Its 10:45am as I'm writing this. I finally woke around 10am this morning, its become a thing for me these days. Yes, the days of waking at 6:30 with the husband, raring to go and ready to take on the world, have sadly gone. Well, maybe not sadly. (I've forgotten how good it feels to sleep in!)

Let's be honest, this blog is about happy things. Beautiful milestones, great adventures, the love of my life, my mini monster of a puppy dog. So if I've been a bit absent, please forgive me. Like all parents tell us growing up: "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

I will say this. I've been struggling. As I mentioned in my last post, I'm waiting to find the happy in this pregnancy. I WANT to be happy. Thankfully I have a handful of great friends that talk with me daily, carrying me through with words like "Its gets better, I promise." or "You'll be clear when you're out of your first trimester." I believe them, because I have to.

Unfortunately I also have "friends" that just love to feed me the negative. That, when I mention I finally got a good night's sleep they say "Enjoy it now cuz you'll never see that again!" Really? Or comments about losing your freedom forever. I mean, come on. So yeah, really holding on to those positive friends right now and my sweet SIL who tells me that your life changes for the good, that everything, EVERYTHING you go through is so worth it. And again, I believe that, because I have to.

My sweet, supportive and patient husband has been so good to me during this time. He tells me to sleep in and doesn't let me object, because he knows my guilt issues. Goes with me to the store to buy embarrassing medicinal items and laughs at me when I tell him it seems I'm buying items for an 80 year old man rather than a 31 year old pregnant woman.

He hasn't flinched when I, yet again, say that I don't want to cook. I know, ME? Not want to cook? Our fare has consisted of frozen foods, chicken salad and pizza as of late. He's taken over the laundry as well as the dishes, because I swear there's been a chemical spill underneath our kitchen sink. I've been told your sense of smell heightens, so I expected a few things. But not being able to walk in a certain area of my kitchen because the cleaning supplies under the cabinet are screaming at me? Didn't expect that.

The receptionist at our dentist office asked him the other day how I was doing. "Is she nauseous?" to which he replied Yes. "Is she moody yet?" to which he replied Yes. "You just love her," she told him. "You just love her." I cried when he told me the conversation, because really that's all we want at this point. Understanding and love. And carbs. Lots of carbs...

For a moment last night as I lay on my husband's chest in bed I felt really good. As in normal. He told me when I cry and express the things that worry my mind when I'm hurting the most really bother him, really upset him. I told him I feel as if I have nothing to talk about these days, that the sickness consumes me, and therefore brings negative thoughts. Which, of course, I have to purge or else they'll just sit and simmer. It feels better to purge them, make room for better thoughts.

I look at him and tell him just before he spoke I was thinking of baby names. He looks down and smiles, kisses me on the forehead. We both know there's good ahead and we can't wait for it.

So, I want to end this post on a good note. Today, I am 7 weeks, 2 days pregnant. The things we're looking forward to are:

Learning the sex of the baby.

Being able to hear the heartbeat.

Painting and designing the baby room.

Finally showing and having my husband lay his head on my buddha belly.

Happy Monday lovelies. *smooch* I want a cheeseburger.

The Beginning of Our Journey

So. If you haven't heard it from me directly, on Facebook or figured it out from my last post, the Baberhusband and I are having a baby! We're still pinching ourselves. I guess we really have to behave as adults now. :)

This past Monday we went for bloodwork, which confirmed the two tests I took the morning of Christmas Eve. Today we went in together for my first ultrasound. So many emotions running through us... excitement, nervousness... I have a feeling these next 8 months are going to fly by.

We got a shot of the little bean for the first time this morning. Amazing. Unbelieveable. I never understood before when people would say "Look at our baby. He/she is a miracle!" Confused, I'd think "No, its a baby. Its the result of the love between a man and a woman. Its a miniature human." and so on and so forth. Never until you are in these shoes do you understand what the miracle is. You see it from a different perspective, one I'm still unsure of how to explain. Its just plain amazing.

I want to blog as much of our journey as possible, so I'll start at the beginning...

The week of Christmas I had a feeling I could be prego. However, I had the feeling (or hope) in months before, so I tried not to let myself get excited when Mother Nature didn't deliver my monthly gift. The morning of Christmas Eve we decided to take a test...

Me: (Just waking up.) Should I take the test?
Him: (Yawning) Umm, I dunno. If you want?
Me: Well, no. I don't want to now.
Him: Huh? Why?
Me: Cause you don't want to, and if you aren't ready or excited I don't want to do it. (Huffy)
Him: (Defensive) I just woke up babe. Take the test.
Me: Nope.
Him: Babe, take it!
Me: Nope. (Hiding grin.)
Him: YOU TAKE THE TEST, NOW. (Coming to attack me.)

I giggle, cuz I win. We're fully awake now and can't avoid it any longer.

I tell myself not to look at the test until we see it together. As I'm setting it on the back of the toilet, I grimace. I may have seen it, shoot.

We brush our teeth before looking, because if its positive we'll want to play kissie face, right?

And we look. Its positive. J swears, but smiles while he does it. I snicker. We can't believe it. It doesn't feel real. Hugs, then kissie face. We look again. And just smile at each other.

We dress slowly, with a silent determination. Left foot in sock. Right foot in sock. We are going to be parents. Arm through hole. Parents. Watch, bracelet. Of a baby. Belt, shoes. A real live BABY.

J's Mom's birthday is Christmas Eve, so we have lunch with them. We both know a secret and for that hour, it was torture keeping it. But it was all ours and I will never forget those handful of hours when only we knew. The little secret smiles and hand squeezes. After lunch we ran through the rain to a drug store for another test. Which turned up positive as well. We decided to tell our parents before the night was over. It would be the best Christmas present ever.

On pretty blank cards we marked a positive and negative sign, circling the positive, and handed them to our parents as "a little something extra for Christmas". The response was too funny. J's family was excited, but you know my family went nutty cuckoo. I will never forget their response.

And here we are. Today, I am 6 weeks, 2 days pregnant. The little bean is sucking the life out of me right now. These past two weeks of holiday time has been filled with extreme nausea and exhaustion. Thankfully I received a prescription for nausea pills today, so I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I want to be happy and enjoy this time. It has been really difficult seeing through the dizzy pain and feeling that happiness. I'm hoping it will pass soon.

In the meantime, while I've been out of commission, my husband is being so very helpful and supportive. New Years Eve we laid on the couch all day together. I dozed on and off. In my pajamas. Without a stitch of makeup. Without touching my hair with a brush once. He held my hand and didn't let me think about housework or whatever needed to be done. He promised to get to it later, told me to relax. And he did. As I sit on my butt typing this, he's putting away loads of laundry that have been residing on our couch for days. Now, if I can just get him to cook.... ;)

We're curious and anxious to see how the Mini Monster is going to react to our new addition. In the months to come, we plan on slowly introducing her to the bebe. Though we're sure its too soon, we laid her on my belly so she could hear the heartbeat. We know she's going to be the best big sister.

I plan on keeping an online journal through this exciting time in our lives. I hope you will enjoy reading along.

Much love,

The BaberMama