Friday, April 14, 2006

Set In My Ways?

Is it wrong to enjoy being alone with your daily routines?

Wednesday night I did the usual -- work till 5ish, walk/run around the lakes, and headed home to throw on a load of laundry in time to watch one of the 2 shows I keep track of, Lost. On the way home I remembered to call the guy I was seeing -- yes, 'was' as in past tense as I decided so yesterday. I secretly hoped it was too late for him to come around for dinner like we had very casually planned the evening before. (To clear myself from looking like a total bitch, he had mentioned that he may be in town on Wednesday evening, and if I wasn't working late, he'd love to grab dinner. So it really was casual. Really.)

Anyway... Country Boy answers the phone, and says he's still in town and would still love to grab a bite and see me. I'm instantly disappointed. I had really looked forward to jumping in the shower, throwing some jeans on to wash, and settling down with some dinner in front of my tv for Lost. I know, pathetic right? I can't help it -- I feel most centered and calm if I have my routines in line, and when something musses it up, I'm thrown off.

A half hour later, just as I've tossed my damp hair in a knot, he's calling to get into my gate. He gives me the usual hug and kiss on the face hello. It's then that I realize – it might not be so much about me and my ways, but probably more about the interest, or lack thereof, that I have in Country Boy. His roughness is no longer exciting to me, and what I once thought was him being mysterious is now just a clear sign of a man who is a bit self-conscious, maybe even backward, and not so experienced. I no longer see this as a fun casual relationship. I want my couch.

So I'm home after a couple of hours and snuggled in under my blanket with book in lap, texting a friend of mine about the evening. A bit later I iron a shirt, step out on the patio to sit for a while before bed and call a friend. She decidedly pinpoints me as being “set in my ways”, and I can’t help but wonder: Is that so bad??

5 comments:

James said...

So what exactly is a 'kiss on the face'? Is that lips, forehead, or mouth. Or he just lick your face like a dog? (the thought is making me laugh).

I think its great you like time by yourself. I love being by myself. I think that is because I have roommates and they are a constant source of distraction. I've been looking a buying a place up in the woods in northern CA to have some quiet James time its so beautiful up there with the redwood trees, lakes, rivers, and the ocean...

...but still close enough to SF to come in and tear it up for a weekend. ;)

Tadlee said...

Yes, you're quite set in your ways, but that's not bad. It's you creating a life you're content in.

When you meet the right guy, you'll be excited enough that routine won't matter as much anymore. The added comfort, strength, etc of the right boy will trump the comfort of your routine until a new joint routine starts forming. When you meet that right boy, you'll have to fight fear of commitment, etc like everyone, but I don't think you need to question your being too set in your ways at this point.

Of course, these opinions come from a perpetually single loner and must be appraised with that in mind.

randommoments said...

Ha, it was just a kiss on the cheek, occasionally on the forehead. I've recently been on the lookout for a home to buy myself, but I think yours sounds like a much better idea! Hope it works out. :)

Oh and thanks (James & Tadlee) for the comforting remarks...

Michelle Sanders said...

Ok Jill...now get this pitiful tone out of you voice. You are a just a settled, adjusted girl. A mature girl that knows what she wants and Country Boy just aint it. I think you knew that all along. Tad is right...sort of. When you meet that right guy the fun and excitement will make skipping your routine no big deal and then you will start to notice "our routine" instead of just "my routine" and that is nice. As you most likely have noticed, David and I have "our routine" and we like it. Routine is good. Routine is healthy.

randommoments said...

Michelli, you always make me feel so... normal. Thanks. >sniff sniff< And yes, I see you and David's routine, and it gives me hope. Wow that was gushy. Hold on a second while I lose my breakfast... ;)

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