Thursday, June 21, 2007

The Ups and Downs

I feel like I’m on a freaking rollercoaster right now. The weekends bring J, who supplies tons of ridiculous behavior, tons of fun and laughter…just never a dull moment. He brings out the crazy in me – wait - I should probably say J encourages the crazy in me, and well, when he leaves I have no one who can match this as well as he, so I basically stare at the walls until the weekend again.

I exaggerate. Still, between doing stuff with friends during the week, creating art, walking, and new on the list – playing my fantasticable Sudoku game that Jason bought me – I’m just sitting there wishing he was with me. Of course I don’t want to bore my friends with my whining and wishing, so I usually keep it inside. (Or put it on the blog.) Of course, this build up eventually comes out in a tantrum directed at Jason in hidden form. *sigh* The man doesn’t verbalize his brain, so I often wonder if he feels the way I do. Or does he not think about it at all? *gasp* OR is he so wrapped up playing with his new puppy that he doesn’t think about me at all??

Grr. Stoopid puppy.

I’m kidding! I seriously love that little slut. Except when she makes me itch and gets between Jason and I on the couch.

I digress. But then, I’m not really going anywhere with this am I? Call it a Dear Diary entry if you will. I just… feel like I’m ever so grateful to have this perfect-for-me human being in my life to love and love me back, but the distance and lack of togetherness is so huge for me that I often obsess about that instead of how great our love is. (Did you just throw up in your mouth a little?) And I also feel like I've waited so long for this - why is he being taken away now? Why not a job here?? If I had something to throw right now I would. (Eyeballing phone and stapler on side of desk.)

I know, I know, he's apart from me too. He's experiencing the distance too. Its not just about me. But, it really hurts when you're the one being left.

That’s all…. for now.

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