Friday, January 08, 2010

You just love her.

Good morning. *yawn* (Isn't that baby room the cutest?)

Its 10:45am as I'm writing this. I finally woke around 10am this morning, its become a thing for me these days. Yes, the days of waking at 6:30 with the husband, raring to go and ready to take on the world, have sadly gone. Well, maybe not sadly. (I've forgotten how good it feels to sleep in!)

Let's be honest, this blog is about happy things. Beautiful milestones, great adventures, the love of my life, my mini monster of a puppy dog. So if I've been a bit absent, please forgive me. Like all parents tell us growing up: "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

I will say this. I've been struggling. As I mentioned in my last post, I'm waiting to find the happy in this pregnancy. I WANT to be happy. Thankfully I have a handful of great friends that talk with me daily, carrying me through with words like "Its gets better, I promise." or "You'll be clear when you're out of your first trimester." I believe them, because I have to.

Unfortunately I also have "friends" that just love to feed me the negative. That, when I mention I finally got a good night's sleep they say "Enjoy it now cuz you'll never see that again!" Really? Or comments about losing your freedom forever. I mean, come on. So yeah, really holding on to those positive friends right now and my sweet SIL who tells me that your life changes for the good, that everything, EVERYTHING you go through is so worth it. And again, I believe that, because I have to.

My sweet, supportive and patient husband has been so good to me during this time. He tells me to sleep in and doesn't let me object, because he knows my guilt issues. Goes with me to the store to buy embarrassing medicinal items and laughs at me when I tell him it seems I'm buying items for an 80 year old man rather than a 31 year old pregnant woman.

He hasn't flinched when I, yet again, say that I don't want to cook. I know, ME? Not want to cook? Our fare has consisted of frozen foods, chicken salad and pizza as of late. He's taken over the laundry as well as the dishes, because I swear there's been a chemical spill underneath our kitchen sink. I've been told your sense of smell heightens, so I expected a few things. But not being able to walk in a certain area of my kitchen because the cleaning supplies under the cabinet are screaming at me? Didn't expect that.
The receptionist at our dentist office asked him the other day how I was doing. "Is she nauseous?" to which he replied Yes. "Is she moody yet?" to which he replied Yes. "You just love her," she told him. "You just love her." I cried when he told me the conversation, because really that's all we want at this point. Understanding and love. And carbs. Lots of carbs...

For a moment last night as I lay on my husband's chest in bed I felt really good. As in normal. He told me when I cry and express the things that worry my mind when I'm hurting the most really bother him, really upset him. I told him I feel as if I have nothing to talk about these days, that the sickness consumes me, and therefore brings negative thoughts. Which, of course, I have to purge or else they'll just sit and simmer. It feels better to purge them, make room for better thoughts.

I look at him and tell him just before he spoke I was thinking of baby names. He looks down and smiles, kisses me on the forehead. We both know there's good ahead and we can't wait for it.

So, I want to end this post on a good note. Today, I am 7 weeks, 2 days pregnant. The things we're looking forward to are:
Learning the sex of the baby.

Being able to hear the heartbeat.

Painting and designing the baby room.

Finally showing and having my husband lay his head on my buddha belly.

Happy Monday lovelies. *smooch* I want a cheeseburger.


Kelly@Keeping up with Kelly said...

Love the colors!!
So bright and very cute!!!

Stacy said...

Awww Jilly... I love that babies room.. so cute!!! And I just have to say.... If I have ever said anything that upset you or made you sad... I am soooo sorry!!! You are an awesome person and I would NEVER want to hurt you in any way!!!! I love and miss you!!!!!

Michelle Sanders said...

Keep positive jillybean! yes you had a rough start and no one can say if it get better tomorrow or in a few weeks but it does get better...promise. The good news is most of the time if you feel horrible in the begining you usually feel great at the end...which is when you really need it anyway so that's got to be a good thing right? And yes sleep does come at a premium after the little gets here but every baby is different and some sleep like a dream. You will only be given what you can handle. And you are supposed to feel drained and are growning a miracle inside you. Don't make yourself feel guilty about that. It's all totally normal. And the emotions... oh dear Lord the emotions...I remember sitting on the kitchen floor in tears because a broke a dish! The good thing is you snap back just as quickly as you stumble and laugh just as quickly as you cried. Your body can handle a lot and come back like a champ!

Crissy said...

I don't think that people are trying to be negative, well maybe some of them, but most are just trying to relate. Being in the "mom's club" is a great experience, but also a very different experience for everyone. Don't take it personally Jill, I don't think anyone would want to hurt you or scare you...because those of us sharing in your life DO love you...

LindseYaYa said...

Well I loved this post. So tell your Guilt that. You can even stick out your tongue after you tell it. I'm okay with that. Things will get better... no exception! I was miserable during my first trimester with theDuckling. I managed it- but nothing made it 'better.' But it is miraculous when week 12 gets there- maybe even by week 10. So just hang tough. Pamper yourself. Sleep for no other reason than it keeps you from the reality of Green. :) *It does get better... all of it. The parents who run their mouths that way also have the same things to say about marriage, owning their own home, work. You name it, they will have some negitive spin. That's why they are all fat and ugly and miserable. It's always someone elses fault... it's always 'out of their control.' WHATEV. You aren't like them... and just wait til the bebe gets here. You'll end up 'weeding' them out of your life all together. BECAUSE parenthood IS hard. But if you live your life CHOOSING JOY, then you will experience heights of happiness and fulfillment that you've only dreamt about! TRUST ME. Motherhood isn't for wimps. And every child may be different, but our children are reflections of us! Which, in your case, means baberBean will be perfectly precious and adorable. love*love you and your Tiny.

Courtney Le said...

Your sister in law is so right, your life changes for the better. Once that baby gets here, no matter how little you may sleep, you just don't care. The only thing you care about is that little hand wrapped around your finger. It does get better.

Christie said...

And we all just love you! For all the downs of being pregnant, there are so many ups! And look what you get out of it, right. A mini person that just wants you to love and nurture them. And the baby smell, oh girl, I miss that!

Margen said...

Jilly- I am with LindseYAYA- you have no reason to feel anything but pregnant and excitement! You have a little baber growing inside of you- that should be reason enough to celebrate with a nap! I think people tell you discouraging things when you are pregnant for the same reason they told Dustin that I was going to turn into a total bridezilla throughout this whole "wedding" planning- he hasn't noticed any change and I have kept things simple. SO ignore the bad vibes and focus on the good. Know that after this trying time called your first tri-mester you will be free sailing. People like to push their own unhappiness on others- i tend to be the type to find happiness in everything. REMEMBER-all good things must be worked for :)

healingtouch said...

Oh heart broke for you reading this post! You know, several times I have seen posts that you put on facebook and I read some "friends" comments and I just wanted to scream at them! Shame on them...ALL of them! People are so quick to give advice without giving a second thought that maybe, just maybe, that person is not ASKING for advice, they are just stating how they are feeling. I have been a Mom for 30 years now and let me tell you this (and no its not advice)Yes you may feel lousy at the beginning but once you feel that little human move around inside of you...its like magic! And once you hold them in your arms for the first only THOUGHT feeling them move inside you was magic! You will be just fine, and all that you are feeling/going through is sooooo normal! I promise!
Love You !!

LindseYaYa said...

totally came back to read your comments. You've got some precious women here... and they are all right. *cheers to motherhood/sisterhood* :) xo

Janitorial Supplies said...

That blanket looks adorable! The child is going to be so happy.

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