How I Know

You hear stories of “how I first knew he was the one”. With Jason, I really believe I knew instantly, like the realization snuck in when I wasn’t looking and just implanted itself in my head. I wish I could recall a certain instance in which I knew.

While everyone was preparing for their wild, hopefully memorable New Year’s Eve weekend, I was on my bathroom floor wishing for someone to take me out of my misery.

I woke up Friday morning at 1:00 am with food poisoning. Severe, stomach-wrenching, forehead sweating, achy body, take-everything-out-of-you food poisoning.

I was alone that morning, Jason had spent the previous evening with friends. I spent the entire morning sick, wishing more than anything he was there beside me. Why, I kept asking myself, would I want the man I love and share a bed with, to see me like this?? I was far from attractive in my face sans make up with unmatched clothing and deep circles under my eyes. Not only that, I was losing it every hour on the hour. Why would I want him to see me like that?

Instead of wanting my mother as I have even in my most recent past, I wanted nobody but him. Badly. I actually cried during that first night because I wanted him so badly. He came over the next day and nursed me for the next two days. If I wanted 7Up, he brought me 7Up. If I needed something different to drink, he’d fix it for me. He tried feeding me and even cleaned up the apartment for me. He went to the store twice to purchase medicine for me. He laid beside me and let me make sad little noises and didn’t fuss once when I asked him not to touch me.

While I was laying there wiped out beside him with only our feet touching, I realized that this was definitely one of those “how I know” moments. I have never been so comfortable with someone that I could let them see me at my worst and most vulnerable and not worry about them bolting at the sight. And I’ve never wanted to be that vulnerable with someone either.

So, if years from now someone asks me when I knew J was the one, this past weekend filled with his TLC will definitely come to mind.