Wednesday, March 26, 2008

These Dreams, Not So Sweet

You've probably read about my dreams before on here and know I tend to be haunted by not-so-nice dreams pretty regularly. Some could be considered nightmares, but most just leave me with a chest full of anxiety. Dreams of my parents getting hurt or lost, my boyfriend betraying me in the worst possible way. My sweet J even got me a dreams interpretation book it had become such a frequent thing.

The Baber betrayal dreams have stopped, but now a new one takes it place.

A couple of months ago my sister ran into an ex boyfriend of mine. From what I was told, they had about a minute of small talk before he turned the subject on me. How was I doing? Was I still living at the apartment? Was I still single? Happy?

This ex was a hard one to get out of my life. I'm not even sure if I could technically call him a ex, we were so on and off. He was a mysterious one and struggled with family issues that kept him away and in termoil for days at a time. We had common interests and shared a passion for music. But, he could bring me down in an instant with his disappearing ways. I remember when Miranda Lambert's song came out Bring Me Down, I felt she sang it just for me.

One day I had enough of his disappearing acts and said good bye. He had escorted me to a company Christmas party and as he went to step into my apartment at the end of the evening, I thanked him for a good time and told him I wouldn't be seeing him again. I think the look of defeat on his face haunted me for months.

I hadn't thought of him in ages. When my sister told me she ran into him, I had to think hard to remember his last name or even his face. Still, I have these dreams and they are driving me CRAZY. I feel nothing for what once was so why am I having these awful dreams?

In these dreams, I am trying to walk beside J and my ex walks up and takes my arm to guide me away. J's stride continues but at a faster pace, as if he's walking away from me. He looks back at me with a blank expression while my ex latches onto me and pulls me in his direction. I had another one where I was walking in this huge house from room to room to room calling J's name. I'd open a door and the ex would be in the room. And in the next, and in the next. He turned up a radio so that J couldn't hear me calling his name.

I feel such anxiety when I wake from these dreams.

I am in a beautiful, loving relationship with the man of my dreams and yet I am having dreams about this other man? Its disturbing to say the least.

I haven't told J yet, though he'll know soon enough when he reads this. *sigh* (Sorry babe.) I almost didn't write about this but I thought "What can I write about anymore?" This blog has always been a journal for me and upon inviting my loved ones to read, I've been more... shielded? Is that the right word? They shouldn't take that statement the wrong way, I want them to read. But, I also want to write about what's bothering me and right now, THIS is what's bothering me.

So there.

Hopefully J won't beat me tonight for writing about it. Just kidding. He's not even in town tonight. *snort*

So my question is, WHY? Most likely it was just because my sister ran into him. My dream book conveniently doesn't speak about exes so I'm going to need your psychoanalysis. I know I can count on one person for sure to give me one. *cough* Papa *cough*

I await your explanations. Thanks in advance. ;)

13 comments:

Polgara said...

My husband has dreams like you, usually in which i've cheated with his best friend or something equally horrible.
When he can remember all the details we can usually place things to people we've seen, topics discussed etc
I hope they get better for you hun, i know from Chris how real they can seem when i wake up and he's already in a bad mood with me lol
Pol x

kelly said...

OK... so... I always chalk these kinds of dreams up to feeling insecure... Have you been feeling like that? It seems I have more of these kinds of dreams when I am feeling less than satisfied with myself or a situation. NOT SAYING that you are not satisfied with Babers! Actually the opposite... maybe you are not satisfied with the living situation of you and Babers (which will hopefully end soon... YAY Babers!) and so that is giving you dreams that make you feel even more insecure. So, really it has nothing to do with Babers, or the ex, but more to do with yourself and how you have been feeling. Doctor's orders? I would just suggest that you maybe go for a weekend away with Babers to a comfy B&B. Spend all day in bed, and then call me in the morning when you have more pleasant dreams.
(now... isn't this a great excuse to go away...;-))

That's my two cents. If it is totally wrong, just toss it into a wishing well and wish for them to stop. :-)

Damsel Underdressed said...

I don't know if any of this helps but from dreammoods.com...

Ex

To dream about your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or ex-husband/wife or that you and your ex got back together again, suggests that something or someone in your current life that is bringing out similar feelings you felt during the relationship with your ex. The dream may be a way of alerting you to the same or similar behavior in a current relationship. What you learn from that previous relationship may need to be applied to the present one so that you do no repeat the same mistake. Alternatively, past lovers often highlight the positive experiences you had with that person.

In particular, to see your ex-husband/wife in your dream, indicates that you are finding yourself in a situation that you do not want to be in. It suggests that you are experiencing a similar relationship or situation which makes you feel unhappy and uncomfortable.

To see your mate's ex in your dream, suggests that you may be comparing yourself to the ex. The dream is trying to tell you not to make the same relationship mistakes that ended that relationship.

Alternatively, seeing your ex in your dream also signifies aspects of yourself that you have x'd out or neglected.

Ex-Boyfriend

To see an old ex-boyfriend from childhood in your dream, refers to a freer, less encumbered relationship. The dream servers to bring you back to a time where the responsibilities of adulthood (or marriage) didn't interfere with the spontaneity of romance. You need to recapture the excitement, freedom, and vitality of youth that is lacking in your present relationship.

To dream that your ex-boyfriend is giving you advice about your current relationship, suggests that you unconscious is telling you not to repeat the same mistakes that you had made with this ex-boyfriend.

To dream that you are being massaged by your ex-boyfriend, suggests that you need to let go of some of that defensiveness that you have been putting forth. You may have been putting up a wall or armor around you. You need to learn to trust people again.

To dream that you ex-boyfriend gives you a stuffed animal, suggests that you are seeking for reassuring and nurturing aspects of a relationship. This is not to imply that you want you ex-boyfriend back. Alternatively, the dream could represent some immature relationship which may (or may not) describe the relationship you had with your ex.

To dream that you see your ex-boyfriend dressed in a suit at a hospital, suggests that you have come to terms with that relationship and have completed the healing process.

Kitty said...

I'm sure it doesn't mean anything horrible hun ((((J)))) :-) x

-Papa said...

In these dreams, I am trying to walk beside J and my ex walks up and takes my arm to guide me away.
The walk represents life, and you see yourself trying to live your life with Babers. Your ex walking up means he's something from the past, or something to the past coming to light and with him taking your arm to guide you away translates to me as you have this fear that there's some part of you that'll lead your life away from J's.

He looks back at me with a blank expression while my ex latches onto me and pulls me in his direction.
This is interesting. J is looking back at you, as in he's ahead of you, but this can also translate as he's something out of your reach, while a part of you leads you in another direction. I'm translating this as a part of you feels J is too good a thing for you, or too good a thing to believe. My comment to you about this is, stop selling yourself short, you deserve the best, we all do.

I had another one where I was walking in this huge house from room to room to room calling J's name. I'd open a door and the ex would be in the room. And in the next, and in the next. He turned up a radio so that J couldn't hear me calling his name.
Instead of walking to represent life, you're in a house which also symbolizes the concept of family and having a family. Not finding J, and only the ex with the ex turning up noise so J can't hear you call out is simply you fearing you won't have a family with J, that you'll be stuck with what you've had in the past.

In short, your dreams translate to me as deep down a part of you hasn't accepted your true worth since that part of you finds J too good to be true, and because of it the follow up anxiety of living a life without J starts populating into your dreams.

To aid you in getting past this, I recommend a traditional exorcism of these buried negative beliefs, but with Babers active help. J should give you a spanking, tough love does wonders, and should speedily eject those limiting and anxiety filled feelings.

badkelly said...

Papa had me completely sucked in and interested and then WHAM! with the spankings! Loves it.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

It probably doesn't mean much. Your sister planted him in your brain and he showed in a few dreams. No big whoop.

jason said...

Disturbing dream. I'm glad it was ONLY a dream or nightmare.
Gotta love papa. I believe he is the reincarnation of Socrates sometimes.
I don't believe dreams hold much value. Its like having the tv on and you lost the remote. You end up watching whatever is on whether its good or bad. I still love you just as much as I did yesterday and I'll still love you more and more tomorrow and the next day.

Steph said...

No idea what it means. Maybe you have some unresolved issues about the breakup? Guilt? I dunno!

random moments said...

polgara - I know to others it doesn't seem like a big deal, but when you wake up feeling like its real it affects your loved ones. Not good for Chris, but glad to hear I'm not the only one. Grr.

kellers - I like your prescription for my diagnosis. I'll fill that promptly. And you know, with this big change coming about I may just be feeling a bit insecure.

damsel - wow, thanks. this part: ...suggests that something or someone in your current life that is bringing out similar feelings you felt during the relationship with your ex. - Makes me wonder.

kitty - I keep telling myself that. :)

papa - You are a MESS. I LOVED THIS. Will you be my personal shrink? Pretty please? No? Um, can I adopt you then? ;p

kellers - i KNOW. It made me feel like... like jumping on my bed real hard or slamming someone in the face with the pillow. Does that make ANY sense?

lbb - yeah, that's what I keep thinking too.

jason - Babe. *wiping bitty Baber tears off my bitty Baber cheeks.

steph - or maybe, I'm just WHACK.

R.E.H. said...

Hmmmm.... interesting dreams there about your ex.

I'm about as good at analyzing dreams as a two year old, so I doubt I'll be of much help. I was hoping you would reveal the meaning behind it according to that book.

Thanks for visiting! Like your blog.

kelly said...

no.


LOL

Stacie said...

I could have SWORE I left a comment here earlier..LOL
somebody already said it, but dreammoods.com (or is it one "m"?) Great site.

I often wake up really REALLY made at my DH...lucky for me, he usually blows it off when he realizes I'm still kinda groggy..but I say...shouldn't have pissed me off, even if it was in my dreams! ;P
(sorry J)

Stacie

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