Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Thursday Thirteen

I'm lazy and am working with a stolen wireless connection here, so I'm skipping the pretty header and all that usually goes with this post.

13 Reasons Why I HATE Shopping

1. When I have money, I can’t find anything. When I’m broke, everything fits perfectly.

2. Parking - and I must add, what irritates me is those people who just make up parking spots in the middle of the aisles and cause jams. My favorite is when you finally get around them, you can look into their window and see them balancing their checkbook.

3. Smelly, dirty dressing rooms. Especially the floors. I never take my shoes off in them.

4. False advertising. You know that pair of slacks was on the 50% off rack but nooo ma’am, these are the only exception to the sale. Sorry.

5. People who let their kids run butt ass wild in the stores. Kids racing down the aisles. Kids jumping out of those circle clothes racks. Kids who are too young to take shopping period screaming bloody murder because “THEY WANNA GO HOOOMMMEE”. Take a hint people.

6. People. No, that’s it. Just people. I hate ‘em.

7. You ask the pimple faced clerk if he ran the decoder thingie across your barcode so the alarm at the door won’t embarrass you and you believe him when he mutters yes. Then you walk through the door and beeeeeeeeppp!!!

8. Running into people you know… when you’re trying to pick out underwear.

9. Standing in line, especially when you end up behind a woman with her 12 children who are climbing all over your buggy while she’s writing a check because she’s from the dinosaur age.

10. “Dancing” with the other person walking up to the store doors as the same time as you are. You speed up, they speed up. You slow down. So. Do. They. You end up having to fake politeness by opening the door for them or saying thank you when they open it for you. Or worse. Having to kick them when they don’t.

11. Clerks that hate their job and life. Not a single word during the 5 minute check out procedure. This may seem to be a total contradiction seeing as I hate people and all, but someone who is checking your floss, underwear and deodorant one foot apart from you should at least say hi.

12. People who don’t move aside in the aisle to let you pass. This also goes for people who try to pass and do not say “Excuse me”. Like that’s so damn hard to do.

13. And last but certainly not least – People who decide to stop and talk to a friend they’ve come across in the store IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MAIN AISLE. It’s clear that you’re in the way when people are sucking in to squeeze past you or abandoning their buggies to walk past you for an item, so move it! I want to speed up my buggy and ram their asses.


Hammer said...

I used to work in Department store.

You don't want to know what I've seen and removed from dressing rooms

NamesAreHardToPick said...

I love number 8. It's more like, how many times can I run into an ex at the WORST time imaginable. The worst though was when I was picking up a box of condoms. Definitely bad timing.

And yes, the last one is so common in friendly places. Great list!

-Papa said...

13 reasons you hate shopping, and 13 reasons for me to keep shopping online. Muchas Gracias. :)

Anonymous said...

Great list!

I agree with names. What about when you look like CRAP... really really bad. You know the days when you have a major breakout, bad hair day, sweats and flip flops on with a tshirt that is as old as dirt, and you run into your ex with his new GF. OR that girl in HS that was such a major bitch... who you hoped would gain 45 pounds but still looks fucking fantastic. That sucks too!

I still love shopping... :-) LOL

jason said...

I want to hear more about hammers dressing room findings.

Nick said...

Poor little princess.

Nocturnal said...

Spot on with #6, Amazon to the rescue. I *never* do XMAS shopping at stores for that very reason.


fatwonkkid said...

7 - when the thing does beep and you legitimately stole something, chances are the lazy ass clerk won't bother to check!

generally when people are in my way, and they are all stupid about it, an "accidental elbow" makes me less mad...i even get a chuckle out of it.

Christie said...

You are my shopping soul-mate. Seriously, I hate shopping for the same reasons. I especially hate #1 and #13. I've seriously thought about throwing shit from my cart at them so many times. "Hey, you don't like being beamed in the back of the head with my daughters tap shoes? Then get the hell outta my way, bitch."

Chunks said...


random moments said...

hammer - Ick. Dirty diapers? Condoms? No wait, I don't need to know.

names - oh man! That's kind of a slap in the face to an ex: "Yes I'm buying condoms cuz I'm getting some, and not from you!"

papa - I love online shopping as long as its not clothing - I hate eating all the shipping costs if I have to send it back.

kelly - I know! And its only the times you look the worst when you run into people.

nocturnal - yeah, people get animalistic during that season. You almost need shopping gear for that!

fatwonkkid - I'd be nervous they'd say something to me if I elbowed. I'm a wuss and hate confrontations!

christie - people are so inconsiderate and unaware. Why can't they be perfect shoppers like us and move out the way before someone gets mad?

chunks - thanks! :)

-Papa said...

papa - I love online shopping as long as its not clothing - I hate eating all the shipping costs if I have to send it back.

Ah, that's the beauty of wearing stuff made of spandex, it's more likely to fit. ;)

Jenny! said...

Those reasons are exactly why I avoid shopping like it has the plague! I fucking hate people...and shoppin!

kira said...

This list makes me laugh. I especially agree with numbers 5, 9, and 12. You would hate my neighborhood, its populated by screaming children, huge carriages, and entitled mothers.

Ari said...

Do you think it's a prerequisite to being a blogger that you are misanthropic? I SO could've written this!!

Steph said...

Agree with all on that list. You remind me again why I hate everyone.
When I'm rich I'm going to move to a deserted island so I don't have to deal with any of them.

Lady in the street... said...

I totally agree with your whole list and people generally piss me off...but I'm still addicted to shopping!

#7 - can't tell you how many times I've gone home with a security thing in my clothes...aren't those supposed to be for SECURITY?

blog Portland said...

Maybe #8 wouldn't be a problem if you didn't shop for them out of dryers at the laundromat.

Dan said...

When I have money, I can’t find anything. When I’m broke, everything fits perfectly.

LOL!! Perfectly said. I hate shopping too ... for these reasons and for so many others too numerous to mention. Online baby! online is the way to go! :)

toby said...

If babes hate shopping so much, why do you waste so much time talking about it and doing it and dragging blokes along to join you in such a hateful activity?

Or is that a stupid question? :)

btw, from your comments elsewhere, I thought you liked girls! Think I misread something or mis-clicked. I do a lot of that.

random moments said...

papa - spandex? *shudder* I wouldn't be allowed to eat if I had to wear that.

jenny - me too. And I shop for Christmas items all year so I won't have to be in the mall when there's more idiots to deal with.

kira - I plan on living on a large piece of land in the boonies for that reason. :)

ari - I think that about a lot of the posts I read too.

steph - I'm coming with.

lady in the street - yeah and try to take one of those off yourself and blue ink everywhere!

blog portland - shoot. I'll try to remember that next time...

dan - one day malls will be extinct because of online shopping. I hope?

toby - I'm not one of those babes that drags her bloke out shopping - I can barely drag myself out for necessities! I have been wearing the same pairs of jeans for 6 years for that same reason.

random moments said...
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