Thursday Thirteen

I'm lazy and am working with a stolen wireless connection here, so I'm skipping the pretty header and all that usually goes with this post.


13 Reasons Why I HATE Shopping

1. When I have money, I can’t find anything. When I’m broke, everything fits perfectly.

2. Parking - and I must add, what irritates me is those people who just make up parking spots in the middle of the aisles and cause jams. My favorite is when you finally get around them, you can look into their window and see them balancing their checkbook.

3. Smelly, dirty dressing rooms. Especially the floors. I never take my shoes off in them.

4. False advertising. You know that pair of slacks was on the 50% off rack but nooo ma’am, these are the only exception to the sale. Sorry.

5. People who let their kids run butt ass wild in the stores. Kids racing down the aisles. Kids jumping out of those circle clothes racks. Kids who are too young to take shopping period screaming bloody murder because “THEY WANNA GO HOOOMMMEE”. Take a hint people.

6. People. No, that’s it. Just people. I hate ‘em.

7. You ask the pimple faced clerk if he ran the decoder thingie across your barcode so the alarm at the door won’t embarrass you and you believe him when he mutters yes. Then you walk through the door and beeeeeeeeppp!!!

8. Running into people you know… when you’re trying to pick out underwear.

9. Standing in line, especially when you end up behind a woman with her 12 children who are climbing all over your buggy while she’s writing a check because she’s from the dinosaur age.

10. “Dancing” with the other person walking up to the store doors as the same time as you are. You speed up, they speed up. You slow down. So. Do. They. You end up having to fake politeness by opening the door for them or saying thank you when they open it for you. Or worse. Having to kick them when they don’t.

11. Clerks that hate their job and life. Not a single word during the 5 minute check out procedure. This may seem to be a total contradiction seeing as I hate people and all, but someone who is checking your floss, underwear and deodorant one foot apart from you should at least say hi.

12. People who don’t move aside in the aisle to let you pass. This also goes for people who try to pass and do not say “Excuse me”. Like that’s so damn hard to do.

13. And last but certainly not least – People who decide to stop and talk to a friend they’ve come across in the store IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MAIN AISLE. It’s clear that you’re in the way when people are sucking in to squeeze past you or abandoning their buggies to walk past you for an item, so move it! I want to speed up my buggy and ram their asses.