Wednesday, October 22, 2008

This and that

I think we could all use a little reminder on how to be the best in our relationships. I read this today and got a little boost from it:

http://zenhabits.net/2008/10/listen-up-how-honest-communication-can-save-your-marriage/#more-1500

On the last post - I know I seemed a little bent out of shape about the friends thing. Truth? I'm not fond of change. Its tough these days to keep in touch with my good friends. The TRUE ones. If it weren't for blogging and email, it would be even harder. Who has time to fit in hour phone calls and the time to make plans every weekend to catch up? Its really tough. Michelli put it best in my comments.

That post was basically about a couple friend I inherited through J. They just don't seem to know the meaning of friendship, respect, or selfishness. I was offended by their actions (or lack thereof). The guy called J last night to have us over for dinner tonight. I guess as a sort of "make up" dinner. I'm torn about it. On one hand I don't want to be like them and not show, but I'm still just a little peeved. There was no apology, no measley "Sorry dude, I got caught up," phone call to J. I also feel like I don't have the time to go either. So, so much to do in the evenings.

Oh, and he threw in a little jab about not having a watch or a schedule. Again, are we not important enough to remember a dinner date with us? Or TWO dinner dates for that matter?? Its just not that hard. I don't get it.

What would you do? Would you go?

To-do list time! Oh how I love scratching off the list:

Stamps for invitations
Address invitations
Finish making bridesmaid jewelry (one left!)
Break in shoes
Marriage license

More on that list, but my breathing was starting to shorten while typing that, so I'll stop there. :)

Off to email our pre-marital counselor. I'm so excited about this! When I asked J how he felt about the pre-marital session, he told me that we were only going to do this marrige thing once. He said he didn't want to half ass it, he wants it to be right and if it means pre-marital counseling, then bring it on.

I so heart him.

P.S. - thinking about a new project. A new site, if you will. Shoot me an email if you want the link when its up yo: blueeyez055@aol.com.

11 comments:

Kelly said...

I probably wouldn't go. I don't invest in people that can't invest in me. It's an exhausting waste of time that will always leave you feeling worse, even if you are the better of the two.

If you do go, I would just take it with a grain of salt. Go to have fun, but don't expect a great friendship. You shouldn't expect more than they are willing to give. It won't be fair to any of you.


of course I want the new project/site... ;-) I'm headed to email you now.

Real Live Lesbian said...

I big red puffy heart J! What a sweetheart!

As for the friends, I would decline. There are too many nice folks out there who would LOVE to be friendly and respectful. I think I'd spend my time finding them.

-Papa said...

Don't allow those people to get to you, you've got better things to do, like that small sensation on your right buttock you need to attend to, that small section of sking that needs scratching. Better to have a satisfactory scratch on your donkey then let someone annoy you and change your breathing pattern...just don't forget to wash your hands when your done scratching AND please don't smell your fingers afterwards. ;P

healingtouch said...

I agree with Kelly...follow your heart and if these folks don't have the decency to pick up the phone and cancel...then why should you give up your busy evening...especially when you dont want to !
I def want to be a part of your new project...let me know at my email: mth1392@aol.com or add me as your buddy on your blog site..mine is
http://healingtouch01.blogspot.com/

Roxrocks said...

Oh see, I'd go, eat their food, make a mess, be obnoxious and then leave. Stand me up....

I kept all our marriage course stuff. Our next anniversary will be our 20th and I'm pulling those books out so we can have a laugh at how naive we were! I urge you to do the same!

New project? I'm in. Or am I already? :)

yellowdog granny said...

I would go, eat the dinner, and then proceed to tell him what a thoughtless asshole he was..thank him for the dinner and leave..
but them im an asshole too..ha

Stacie said...

I agree that it's pretty thoughtless, once it's an accident, twice? Yikes. I'm one of those super flighty people..and I have massive memory problems, I forget stuff all the time, but a dinner date? you can bet I mark at least 5 calendars and talk about it repeatedly to cement it in my head so I don't forget. Dr's appointments? forget them all the time, birthdays too, until almost the last minute sometimes, but dinner dates? not yet *knocks on wood*
Stacie

Joedi joedi@bellsouth.net said...

I just have to comment on the counseling thing. Your J sounds like my T. I waited 41 years to get married so like J I wanted everything to be right and T agreed. Good luck and God Bless on your upcoming wedding!!

Christie said...

Not having a watch or a schedule? How old is this guy, 5? Who hasn't been on a schedule since they were that age? Hell, even my kids are on schedules.

LindseYaYa said...

Hi lovely! You're beginning to experience the shift that comes with marriage... and friendships. You'll save some, you'll lose some, you become distant with others. The good news is you'll be different once your married... so sloughing off a little of the deadwood is actually a good thing. When I worry about people's motives, I have to remind myself that people do what they WANT to do. Plain and simple. So if yall feel like these yayhoos don't care much about reciprocal friendship, then they prolly don't. People do what they want to do. Besides, one thing that helps me and the Hotness most is spending our 'spare' time with couples with the same value systems... it contributes to our investment with each other. AND it comes in handy when you have kids. You can avoid that 'you're too trashy to be around my kid- but we love you' conversation.

When we got married, we struggled with wanting to prove our friends wrong... that we weren't that 'ole ball and chain' thing that they swore we would become. We wanted to retain that 'edge' of being apart of the gang even though we 'settled down' together. BUT the truth is, they don't want yall to still be cool and edgy after you get married. If you are... and hang around them, then it reminds them of how miserable and lonely living the same day over and over again really is. They really don't want yall to be the perfect couple and be around enough to show them what they don't have. Sure, there will be growing pains along the way- but soon, your future will be too full to regret forcing failed friendships in the past.

XXXO
Oh, and guess who's honeymooning in a handful of weeks???

YOU!

Kylie ... said...

I tend to be forgiving to a fault. Slowly but surely I am learning that some people shouldn't get a second chance.

I say go if that's what YOU really want to do. Don't go because you feel obligated.

I'm so excited for you that your wedding is just around the corner. Sounds to me like J is a keeper!

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