Monday, June 08, 2009

Something is missing.

And it may just be TIME.

I'm not fulfilled lately and that seems selfish of me.

Loving husband. Check.
Fast growing sideline business. Check.
New beautiful home that I adore. Check.
My family, a few great friends, my sweet Mini Monster. Check.

A few months ago I wanted nothing more than to be busy busy with my jewelry business and finally seeing a profit. Now that I have that in front of me, I'm stretched so thin I can't seem to truly enjoy it.

Last night as Babers and I were winding down, I felt hollow. Empty. Needy of something that I couldn't place my finger on. I sifted through the weekend that had just passed and felt like I was robbed. There's so much to do and so little time to do it that each moment flies by without me being able to relish in it.

I woke this morning craving my husband so badly it brought tears to my eyes. We've only been married 6 months and I feel like I'm failing at being a good wife. And its silly things, really, but they add up to me.

I didn't bake his blueberry cheesecake muffins. What will he eat for breakfast this week?

I haven't hung his work shirts. I haven't planned out this week's meals. I haven't had a hair cut in Lord knows how long, so I feel I'm not keeping myself up. My nails need trimming and I'm pasty white even in the sunny month of June.

We spend our free moments on the couch, me reading, him watching television. I remember when we used to curl up together on the couch and talk for hours while flipping channels. Or sit on the patio at the apartment together sipping margaritas and talking about how great our little life was.

I miss that. I feel it slipping away so fast and I'm scrambling to grab ahold but just can't. How do we get back there? I want the mushy Baber goo again. NOW.

*sigh* Earlier this year I wrote a post on Simplicity. How important it is in MY life. Some people thrive off of being busy, having multiple things going on at once. And I love when I'm in the moment of a fast-paced weekend but afterwards, I feel sort of... hungover.

I just want to step back and enjoy where I am right now, with my husband. I want him to appreciate me like he used to, and I, him.

And I want to start today.


MarjnHomer said...

I feel the exact same way. My hubby has been super busy and I'm expecting my 3rd baby in a matter of weeks. We don't do thingys anymore and I hate that. I miss our late night talks about nothing until we fell asleep. its been too long. how do you bring it all back? if you figure that out let me know

healingtouch said...

I have been married for 34 years...alot of them rocky....most of them happy ! The secret to keeping the "magic" in your marriage?
There is no communication and no matter what, make time for you and make time for you and him! Schedule a date night, once a week...even if its just throwing something on the grill and sitting out on the patio till the mosquitos carry you away...I promise you, it works !

Rox said...

It's the ebb and flow of marriage, my dear! You're in it for the long haul so it can't always be a parade, otherwise you'll grow tired of each other! Just go with the flow. Sometimes it will be all passion and muffins and other times it will be piles of dirty laundry and B.O. It's real life marriage, baby girl!
-Signed 20 year marriage veteran

random moments said...

Marjn - I'm finding open communication is our best tool. I hope we can keep it up!

HealingTouch - I 100% agree with you! We both really enjoy date night and it allows us to focus on nothing but each other (and maybe the margaritas in our hands too!)

Rox - Thanks! Sometimes my romantical side needs a dose of reality, but I can't help but want the most I can get out of this life! Ha!

The Cherry Blog said...

aaw this was such a sweet, honest post to read! sounds like so much love there, we all need to take time and important moments to reflect and see things differently, esp with margaritas!


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