And it may just be TIME.
I'm not fulfilled lately and that seems selfish of me.
Loving husband. Check.
Fast growing sideline business. Check.
New beautiful home that I adore. Check.
My family, a few great friends, my sweet Mini Monster. Check.
A few months ago I wanted nothing more than to be busy busy with my jewelry business and finally seeing a profit. Now that I have that in front of me, I'm stretched so thin I can't seem to truly enjoy it.
Last night as Babers and I were winding down, I felt hollow. Empty. Needy of something that I couldn't place my finger on. I sifted through the weekend that had just passed and felt like I was robbed. There's so much to do and so little time to do it that each moment flies by without me being able to relish in it.
I woke this morning craving my husband so badly it brought tears to my eyes. We've only been married 6 months and I feel like I'm failing at being a good wife. And its silly things, really, but they add up to me.
I didn't bake his blueberry cheesecake muffins. What will he eat for breakfast this week?
I haven't hung his work shirts. I haven't planned out this week's meals. I haven't had a hair cut in Lord knows how long, so I feel I'm not keeping myself up. My nails need trimming and I'm pasty white even in the sunny month of June.
We spend our free moments on the couch, me reading, him watching television. I remember when we used to curl up together on the couch and talk for hours while flipping channels. Or sit on the patio at the apartment together sipping margaritas and talking about how great our little life was.
I miss that. I feel it slipping away so fast and I'm scrambling to grab ahold but just can't. How do we get back there? I want the mushy Baber goo again. NOW.
*sigh* Earlier this year I wrote a post on Simplicity. How important it is in MY life. Some people thrive off of being busy, having multiple things going on at once. And I love when I'm in the moment of a fast-paced weekend but afterwards, I feel sort of... hungover.
I just want to step back and enjoy where I am right now, with my husband. I want him to appreciate me like he used to, and I, him.
And I want to start today.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Ramblings by Jill at 8:03 AM