Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Am I The Only One Who



Hates when people look at my food when I'm fixing it or while I'm eating it? Get. A. Way.


Feels the yellow light is unnecessary? We already have the green light and ain't nobody stopping for the yellow one anyway. Bumper car nation.


Finds unsanitary people repulsive? As in don't-stand-near-me repulsive. As in wash-your-hands-after-you-pee repulsive.


Laughs when a chic has a tattoo on her tummy? If she gets old or pregnant...? Sorry if you have one, I get a giggle out of it. Oh! Think about this though - if its a tattoo of her man's name on her belly and she does get preggers, then when he's doing the laundry with her he'll see his name coming at him all stretched out. Fred. Fred. FRED. FRED. That's gotta freak a man out, right?


Despise when women who don't need to lose weight say they need to lose weight? You all know that chic who slaps her flat tummy and says Ugh, I am so fat! then looks around at the other women waiting for a No you aren't! or looks for the men to say Girl you are so hot! You don't need to lose anything. Bitch please. (oh! Sorry if that was a bit out of character. I've been watching ANTM and Ms. Jay says that all the time.)

By the way, there's a rule on this and this is it: If you are smaller (as in skinnier, thinner, have less fat) than your friend, you are not allowed to talk about how faaaattt you are with her. Its RUDE. If you think you are fat and I am 2 sizes larger than you, then you are basically saying I am a LARD ASS. Shut it.

Is tired of self-centered friends? I think I have the scent on me because I attract them like flies. I once had a friend who made me feel awful about wanting to spend most of my weekends with my boyfriend (who lives out of town during the week). Like working with her, talking to her on the phone most evenings and going out for dinner every other weekend wasn't enough. People should really be more self-aware.

Worry about little old ladies at the grocery? I'm so nervous that some crack needy asshole is going to try and rob one of her bitty purse as she's walking to her car with a handful of bags. Even more, I fear my Maw Maw will have this happen to her.

31 comments:

Hammer said...

Very funny. I've wondered about the belly tattoo as well. Little chance of it staying intact.

Damsel Underdressed said...

I hate when you just take a bite and as you are chewing your mouthful of food, someone walks by, looks at your food and asks, "Oooohhh...whatcha got there?" and they seriously want an answer. So you have to hurry up and finish chewing and swallow before you can answer. There's one bite you didn't get to enjoy! All I want to do is tell them to get out of my face and let me eat!

I'm embarrassed to admit that I have a belly tatoo. It expanded while I was pregnant but I rubbed cocoa butter on it every day and everything went right back to normal. Intact and no stretch marks. I realize I am one of the more fortunate, though.

random moments said...

Hammer - I always wondered about women and men who have their faces tatted too - when they are a grandma & grandpas, is it weird?

Damsel - I knew it! I'm really good about opening mouth, inserting foot but you've answered my question. Is it your hubby's name? ;)

Open Grove Claudia said...

Tattoos in general. From being a gym rat? People don't realize that 98% of tattoos look like green blobs. Period. I have a personal dislike for the sacrum ones - I think they should just say "Insert here". But that's just me.... Sorry if I offended anyone.

I'm sick of my selfish friends too. Maybe we should trade. I've decided to hibernate for a month or so - not go out, no shows, no dancing - and see if it wears off.

OH I'm also sick of people who are doing anything with their lives but work to the bar, to work to the bar, to work to the bar. They always talk about how "busy" they are. Shut the fuck up.

Thanks for listening! ;)

Tex's Missus said...

Hi there, just dropped in from Stacie's place and wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading your posts.

I actually have a tattoo around my belly button, but I got it after I had my kid and recently had it touched up so the colour is really vibrant - love it ! (But agree that it would have been completely fucked by stretch marks :)

Selfish people in general really upset me; in fact, I've just done a blog on emotional honesty in my quest to help say 'no' to these self-centred, egocentric people.

And as for skinny bitches who whine about the size of their arse .... I'd like to kick them in their skinny arse. I've just had a conversation with a chick who's an AUS size 8 (US 4 I think) who was telling me how fat she was... I mean WTF ??!! Do they say that just so that they can be told how gorgeously slim they are ? Dunno, but they piss me off too !

Anway, glad I stopped by - I'll be back soon :)

Grilled Pizza said...

Selfish friends, well more family for me at the moment but have been there on the friend front too!
I have one friend who i just know thinks i didnt go on a particular night out because Husband wouldnt let me but its just that i'd rather spend the time with him.....

Kitty said...

LOL - I agree with almost all of those. And I worry about old people too - I helped a little old lady in a shop the other day - she was too small to reach the cat food she wanted, so I got it down for her. I've also picked up a little old man who fell over in the park. It's sad, isn't it? That could be me one day. x

DocMtCat said...

You have some excellent points! Yes unsanitary peple repulse me (as do people who don't wash after peeing) and skinny girls who complain they are too fat are annoying too!

-Doc

(But I think we need the yellow light)

Damsel Underdressed said...

If it were my hubby's name I would have taken a knife and gorged it out myself...as he is my ex-hubby now. No, it isn't any name.

I'm a size 4 and sometimes I FEEL fat even though I know I'm not. I would never say it out loud to anyone though. It's more like that sluggish "I ate too much and my insides are stretching" uncomfortable feeling that just gets translated to "I'm fat." Did any of that make sense?

Kelly said...

Hahaha! I heart you so much. You aren't the only one on all of those. ;-) Also the amount of times you insert foot while talking with damsel is cracking me up. sorry to laugh at your discomfort. hehe

Damsel- You are a size 4? I am sooo on a diet before we meet and go dancing! BLAH!

random moments said...

claudia - its always nice to hear someone has as much passion about these as me. :) No trading! I think I just got rid of the last few. *whew* It makes it hard to open up to new friends, don't you think?

tex's missus - aww, what a nice comment! You've made my day. :) I'm coming by to read your blog emotional honesty - sounds very interesting! (And I sure could use some wisdom.) Thanks for stopping by!

grilled pizza - Ditto! I, too, would rather spend most of my time with my guy and usually do. He's not selfish and is the bestest friend I've ever had. ;)

kitty - you are the sweetest! Years ago I worked at the local grocery. There was a little old lady who got lost in the store on occasion and just seemed so grateful for us calling her husband to pick her up. I hope someone helps me someday too. :)

docmtcat - Its good to hear that guys find skinny whiners annoying too. (Btw, I was mostly joking about the yellow light. hehe.)

damsel - Yes it makes complete sense. Like when you feel like the marshmallow man when its that special time of the month? Fun stuff being a girl.

random moments said...

kelly - I must have hit send when you did. *sticking out tongue* I'm real good at that but it was more of a funny than a put-down. I don't have one tatoo for fear of these things! ;p

And um, both of y'all can kiss my grits - I'll never tell my size! (size 4??? *gulp*)

RoxRocks said...

My SIL the Tanorexic is a size one and weighs 95 pounds and talks about how fat she is. I seriously want to sit on her and shove two sandwiches and a piece of cheesecake down her throat, and tell her as much when she starts that crap.

The upside of being voluptous is that if you ever get sick, you have a better chance of surviving say, the stomach flu or malaria or something! LOL!

Abdominal/back tats on women who haven't had kids yet? Make me want to scream! I love it when they get all stretched out and gross. Serves them right.

david mcmahon said...

Lots to ponder there!!! Like you, I've never had time for self-centred people.

Damsel Underdressed said...

Ha! If it is any consolation to either of you, I am a size 4 because I have an a**hole ex-husband that causes me so much stress that I run and workout like a freak just to get some relief from it. Trust me, I'd (almost) rather be fat that put up with the crap I do. Plus, they have changed the sizes of clothes to make you feel better. I have some old 8s and 10s that fit just as well. It's a scam, I tell you!

badkelly said...

damsel- I know they changed the sizes... I know it's wrong... I know it's vain... but I LOVE THAT THEY DID IT! hahaha Even though 0 is the new 4 and 6 is the new 20. ;-) New York and Co is FAMOUS for vainity sizing. It is fantastic!

moooooog35 said...

On the weight thing:

My wife, who is NOT fat by any stretch of the imagination, keeps talking about joining Weight Watchers.

She says she's doing it to get advice on how to eat right.

I keep telling her not to go.

As they'll kill her when she walks through the door.

Imagine, you're a 450-pound woman, struggling with your weight your entire life...hoping against hope that maybe...just maybe...Weight Watchers can help you...

..when in walks a 5'2", 130-pound woman and sits in the circle.

They'll kill her.

I just know it.

Damsel Underdressed said...

Kelly...I know! I do too! And they did it gradually. It seemed that every time I went shopping, I was a size smaller. I can't wait until I'm a 2! ;)

Moooooog...Tell her it would be like stepping on a landmine if she were to join Weight Watchers. I would fear for her life too!

random moments said...

roxrocks - when I get sick with a stomach thing I always hope I'll lose weight. *sigh* I have a skinny SIL too. She's always picking at her food and moving it around on her plate. It makes me want to force feed her too.

david - cheers to that. I wish I had a radar though.

damsel - that's terrible. I wish I was a non-eater when it came to stress and the like. I don't eat when I'm depressed or even when I'm happy - I just eat cuz I like the way it tastes. :)

kelly - I. Heart. NY&Co. I go there often and love telling the sales people "Oops! Guess I need an even smaller size!" I recently met a chic who bragged that she was a size 0 or XS at NY&Co and I immediately shot back about the vanity sizing. Does she think I'm buying that - everyone knows about NY&Co! Lol.

mooog - you are probably right. When I went there was a chic there who had to be a few sizes under me and my height. I was worried I'd growl at her so I tried to sit as far away as possible.

Stacie said...

you know...I had a few friends who were tiny little things that were constantly complaining to me about thier weight and they know how much I struggle with mine and they knew I was going to WW at the time etc..and one day one of them said to me, while patting her flat as a pancake tummy *OMG I'm so FAAAAAT!" and I was ticked. I mean..that's just basically saying to me "Stace, you're a cow!" I think 9 times out of 10 it's someone being completely self centered and clueless, and the other one is someone being passive agressive and downright rude and obnoxious. I looked at her and said well if you think YOU are fat, I'll thank you to keep your opinions about ME to yourself. She never said it again after that. Ha...size 4? I'd KILL to be that fat! please someone...let me be that fat!

I worry about little old ladies too, but here in DC we better keep the yellow lights, it's the only way we get just under two dozen to run the red light..without it, they'd all run it..
Stacie

Steph said...

Agree on all counts! I love you!

Pixie said...

Oh my God I am that Pixie. I got a "love" tattoo on my tummy when I married Mr Pixie a while back. Now when I look down all I can see is a camel with a lot of humps.

The tattoo is of a dolphin.

Girl you have a case x

Nocturnal said...

"tired of self-centered friends"

100%, make that 200%.

One way street Me-And-I conversations piss me off, especially when most of the time these types live extraordinarily "common" lives.

Nice list Jillie.

Cheers

Earric said...

"Laughs when a chic has a tattoo on her tummy?"
My sister got one of these, it's like a dragon that goes around her belly button...I'm just like...shudder.

"Worry about little old ladies at the grocery?"
All the time! Especially the ones in their robes with their stringy hair hobbling around the store. I hate to try to help them, because I'm afraid they're going to bitter towards me when I only want to help.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I can agree with everything on your list.

Skinny, self - centered bitches are a big peeve for me! I feel like smothering them in my fat rolls.

-Papa said...

Sonofavbiscuit, I feel like Rip Van Winkle, it's all different looking, and I'm diggin' the new colours and profile pic, and oh, no, you're not the only one. ;D

travistee said...

I always look at little old ladies in the grocery store, and want to shop for them. Then I feel like invading their space would be rude. But I think it every time.
PS I hate when people ask for a bite of my food. I really HATE it. :)

Simply Curious said...

Hate hate hate it when skinny minnies say they're fat. They couldn't get fat if we pumped chocolate into them all day long.

Simply Curious said...

oh, and p.s. I have a tattoo on my tummy and am extremely offended. I think you owe me balloons.

Obesio said...

I was taking a massive, smelly dump at the office last week (in the bathroom, of course), and some dude came in and pooped in the stall next to mine. He then wiped for what seemed to be a very short time and I heard him open his stall and leave the bathroom without washing his hands. I was so disgusted.

kay zee said...

im with you on the fat thing.
I think everyone has those pals that you'll watch as they complain about how big their little fat rolls is getting RIGHT IN FRONT of fatty friends number 4 and 5.
I mean, bithc all you want- just be careful (and considerate) of your own friends!

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