Hates when people look at my food when I'm fixing it or while I'm eating it? Get. A. Way.
Feels the yellow light is unnecessary? We already have the green light and ain't nobody stopping for the yellow one anyway. Bumper car nation.
Finds unsanitary people repulsive? As in don't-stand-near-me repulsive. As in wash-your-hands-after-you-pee repulsive.
Laughs when a chic has a tattoo on her tummy? If she gets old or pregnant...? Sorry if you have one, I get a giggle out of it. Oh! Think about this though - if its a tattoo of her man's name on her belly and she does get preggers, then when he's doing the laundry with her he'll see his name coming at him all stretched out. Fred. Fred. FRED. FRED. That's gotta freak a man out, right?
Despise when women who don't need to lose weight say they need to lose weight? You all know that chic who slaps her flat tummy and says Ugh, I am so fat! then looks around at the other women waiting for a No you aren't! or looks for the men to say Girl you are so hot! You don't need to lose anything. Bitch please. (oh! Sorry if that was a bit out of character. I've been watching ANTM and Ms. Jay says that all the time.)
By the way, there's a rule on this and this is it: If you are smaller (as in skinnier, thinner, have less fat) than your friend, you are not allowed to talk about how faaaattt you are with her. Its RUDE. If you think you are fat and I am 2 sizes larger than you, then you are basically saying I am a LARD ASS. Shut it.
Is tired of self-centered friends? I think I have the scent on me because I attract them like flies. I once had a friend who made me feel awful about wanting to spend most of my weekends with my boyfriend (who lives out of town during the week). Like working with her, talking to her on the phone most evenings and going out for dinner every other weekend wasn't enough. People should really be more self-aware.
Worry about little old ladies at the grocery? I'm so nervous that some crack needy asshole is going to try and rob one of her bitty purse as she's walking to her car with a handful of bags. Even more, I fear my Maw Maw will have this happen to her.
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