Friday, July 25, 2008

Yo Mama Lied to You

When yo mama said you had a beautiful singing voice, she lied to you. It is apparent that your mother failed to tell you that is it NOT OKAY to attach headphones to your new high-tech phone filled with R&B's greatest hits and proceed to sing out loud to those hits in Walmart. With one hand holding your phone up as you sing and the other hand on the buggy, you push your cart haphazardly through the middle of the aisle, distressing customers trying to pass you.

This is not okay. You are not the only person in this store. Wait until you are in your car or in your shower like the rest of us.

It is also NOT OKAY to sing gospel music whilst thumbing through Hanes white tees for your man beside me. Especially if this music is not streaming through the Walmart speakers and especially not if you don't, in fact, even have headphones on!

I mean, why must you sing in Walmart next to me? And just exactly where is the music you are singing to? In your head? Get that shit out of your system in church or choir practice for crying out loud. I'm trying to shop here.

And Miss? Oh Miss? Yo mama lied to you too. It is sooo NOT OKAY to go to Walmart after your day at the pool, IN YOUR BIKINI. Especially if you look like you may have been on a BBW adult website. Meaning, I don't want to see your belly rolls and I surely don't want to see body hair that you apparently have NEVER shaved in your lifetime. Its not necessary, really.

Have a great weekend folks! We're going for an inspection of our soon-to-be new home tomorrow morning. We will never be able to fall asleep tonight...

8 comments:

Roxrocks said...

Neither will I after those freaky images you put in my head!

Anonymous said...

I'll never set foot in a Walmart again! hee...good luck with the home inspection - can't wait to hear more details on the house - and if everything goes okay, some pictures, too. Cathy

Kitty said...

My ex's mother used to have an expression: "the things you see when you haven't got your gun with you!" This was used especially when confronted with sights like the woman in the bikini.

Hope the inspection goes well - will be thinking of you!

x

jason said...

i wish we would have been able to sneak a picture of her. Classic nastiness.

On a Limb with Claudia said...

what's the word on the house? how did it go??

Yippee!!

Damsel Underdressed said...

I also can't stand old men that whistle. I once heard that whistlers have idle minds. What kind of mind do you think gospel singer has?

Stacie said...

it never ceases to amaze me what people will, or won't, wear to walmart. it's the stuff nightmares are made of. And public singing? Don't get me started! LOL I hope your inspection wen't well...I can't wait to hear about your new digs.
Stacie

♥♥♥ A- Licious ♥♥♥ said...

funny stuff as always....heheheee

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