Night Club cheese anyone?
So this weekend J and I met a group of friends out for a birthday bash. Well, not so much a bash - more like a really bad hour at a horribly cheesy bar.
J and I are so over the bar scene its not even funny. Been over it. In fact, the night we met each other (that decided our fate as a couple) was one of those nights where we were both dragged to a bar with friends who were not so much over the bar scene. That night should have put the clubbing to rest so that we would never, EVER need to be subjected to the bar scene again.
We were so wrong.
One of our friends is recently divorced and dating another friend of the group. She's young at heart and loves to dance. Therefore, by default, we are victims of cheesy night club sights: cougars wearing skirts small enough to cover only my knee cap, these older women dancing to the beat of their own drum, touching the ground and bouncing their asses while their teeny skirts run up over their bums to expose their thongs.
Some of these people stood on the level we were on, dancing and jigging, raising their hands in a sort of "raise the roof" fashion to a booty shaking song I've never heard before. The women. Y'all, its just too much. I know I already spoke about them but COME ON. If you are over, I dunno, 40ish you really shouldn't be wearing crop tube tops. Really. Its just wrong. Unless you are a prostitute. These women clearly dressed and behaved like they wanted nothing but a quick land in the nearest hotel. Who sticks their fingers in their mouths when they dance?? Ew, ew, EW.
Did I not mention the chic who decided it was okay to fit her extremely full figured bod into a size 4 dress and shove her ta tas up to her neck? This amazonian woman grabbed our friend and I guess for his birthday decided to give him a boobie face washing. You know what I'm talking about - taking his face, shoving it into her large fatty breasts, jiggling them about. Thankfully J & I left before that horrific scene took place but we were told that the birthday boy's girlfriend (the new divorcee) was none too happy. I don't blame her, do you?
Needless to say we left after about an hour. I can't believe I wasted my new top on that evening...
Baber's Office Christmas Party
As I expected, it was fun to get all dolled up and knock back a few glasses free of charge. Met a few of the higher-ups, ate some good food and even took a photo together. The human resources chic will be emailing the photos to everyone so once J sends ours to me (and it deems presentable, meaning J looks as handsome as he really was that night and I look as skinny as I pretended to be) then I'll post it. ;)
I had on my new heels that night and wasn't quite used to them. Imagine me trying to trail behind my long legged boyfriend, teetering and wobbling while loudly whispering to him "Psst! Slow down!" Guess you had to be there. I thought it was funny. (Laugh damn it.)
Small rant about gift giving
People. If someone gives you a present, thank them. Open the present when they give it to you and not two hours later. This person went through the trouble of choosing a gift that would fit you personally and you could show a little appreciation. No need for song and dance; a timely thank you will do just fine.
My Office Christmas Party
And now for a segment of what not to do or talk about at your annual office Christmas party! If you would like to play along, please put your two cents in at the comment box. Any advice is welcome.
Rule #1: Do not whine about your place at the table, especially if you arrive last. Grow the fonk up or get your act together and arrive on time. Besides, if you whine about your position at the table its very likely you are offending the people you are sitting beside.
Rule #2: It is beyond inappropriate to speak of your sex life at this function. I do not want to hear how your husband's mouth dropped when you put on your sexy, see-through lingerie. I know you think you're hot, but I don't. I'm straight. Write that down.
Rule #3: If you are working for the same boss I am, I'm sure you don't have a problem feeding your children. Kinda weird that you boxed up your leftovers along with the table's leftover desserts and appetizers. Especially seeing that most people double-dipped on their side of the dessert. Say it all together now: Ew.