Thursday, December 06, 2007

The Blahs and Photos

I'm always amazed at how quickly the Monster comes and goes. As I told a friend/co-worker this morning "I just can't control it. Like there's something that comes in and takes over me and I just don't have any say in the matter."

I really tried to self-help last night: I had a glass of wine and I scrapped my little heart out. (I'll share later, promise.) Occasionally I had to dab a page with my sleeve where the stinkin tears were landing. Really, I tried.

My boyfriend must really love me. I dumped everything I was feeling on him last night and more. Sometimes I feel like I have a punch card though, as if I'm running out of emotional break down allowances and one day he's just going to say "Card's full, you're crazy. I'm outta here!" *nervous laugh* But, I talk to so many women that say they go through the same exact thing, so I know I'm not abnormal. I just wish I could control it.

Let's face it, any relationship takes work, but this long distance thing is really getting to me. We went from seeing each other every day for six months to seeing each other once a week. It's killing me. I know that if he were here with me, it wouldn't be this way. I wouldn't be on a permanent rollercoaster. And I hate like hell that he has to see this side of me...this weak, uncontrollable, emotional side. I'm supposed to be silly, light-hearted, fun to hang out with Jill. Drink-a-beer-and-play-I-Never-with Jill. Not the girl who shows up when the Monster takes over. Grrr.

So anyway, right now I'm still moping around but I've bullied myself into smiling today, no matter how bad the pressure behind my eyes is and no matter how much I want to go postal the next time my boss tells me to copy something for him as he stands right next to the frickin copy machine (while I'm in the other room). Life is good more often than not, and I feel guilty for these dips I have when I know things could be much worse. Much.

Did you really think I could stay away long? Blogging is a hobby, an addiction. Pfft. Can't even hold the promise of staying too depressed to blog. I do appreciate all your sweet remarks - its nice to know I'm not the only one who falls in the hole occasionally. The blog world is such a supportive place and reading over your comments really helped put a smile back on my face. Thanks lovies. ((hug))

Sweeping it under the mat for now. I've got something to share! *squeal* Please don't gag, I'm simply thrilled about this...

So my sweet little co-worker, Stephanie, is diving into the beautiful world of photography and did us the honor of taking our photos! Yes, I actually got Babers to pose for photos, and he even smiled for some of them. I can't decide which one is my favorite. One will be chosen for framing to give to the 'rents on both sides as a little Christmas present.

Hope you enjoy the silliness as much as I did.


Emmy said...

Great pics, and happy holidays. :)

Simply Curious said...

The first one is my favorite.

it's the little things... said...

WOW. You are both so photogenic. Your friend has excellent taste in models, and is very good at having you pose.
They're all so cute in different ways, I would have a hard time choosing...
PS - Chin up. You're totally normal!

Anonymous said...

Love the photos girl! You are one hot couple!You both look great.

Try to stay cheerful. :o)

Grilled Pizza said...

The photo's are great, i have one of me and husband round the tree like you guys that our wedding photographer took, your friend has done a really good job and you both look fab!
Great blog btw!

Kitty said...

They're all fabulous photos - you are a very attractive couple.

It's ok to be yourself - every single bit of yourself and not have to hide any bits away. (((RM))) :-) x

Anonymous said...

Hang in there darling, that was a thoughtful post, and I am sure you will figure it all out.

Gorgeous hair!

Stacie said...

Long distance relationships are hard, but you'll work it out. I totally get what you mean about going from being together every day and then down to once a week. We're military, and it happens to us a lot. In some ways though, we're closer than we were because we talk more on the phone than we do in person when he's away. The emotional rollercoaster of it all though, can be trying. Try to use that time to do the things you don't do when he's with you. Things he doesn't like to do or that you just don't have time for. That will make the time pass more quickly.

I LOVE the photos! You guys are so cute together. I can't decide which is my favourite, they're all great. Frame them all...or scrap them all. I would love to see what you do with these scraped, you are so talented~

RoxRocks said...

#1,7, and 12.

1 for the sepia tones and you're both facing the camera. You look happy!

7 because of the leaves and the fact that your hand is kind of protecting your crotch. Parents of daughters appreciate that, I think.

12 because it's a great picture and you look a little dominant in the shot. That's always good.

heehee! They are all awesome and I'm glad to hear you are faking it till you make it. I do it too and it works most of the time.

fatwonkkid said...

often i get a chuckle out of photos like that because they are kinda cheesy, although they are photographed well.

i say you frame the one where the bust is getting its nose picked.

-Papa said...

"...I just wish I could control it."
You already are, which is what the scrapbook, the tears, and the convo's with Babers are all about. To be free of the monster you're letting it out so all its energy gets dissipated and you'll be free of it sooner if not a little later.

Now onto more important matters. The pictures your friend took are excellent, but where are the nudes?

Anonymous said...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE the one with you two and the puppy in the middle! How freaking cute is that?! I love it!

For the parents, you kind of have to pick on with both of your faces showing... or his mom will be bummed that she can't see her son's lovely face. I think you should give the one with the two of you laying in the grass facing the camera, or the cute one with you two holding hands laying in the grass upside down. I love that one! :-) They are all adorable though! She did a great job!

I hope the monster passes! I hate that monster!!!!

Anonymous said...

oh... heck the one with you turning to face the camera is so cute too...

wow. I helped, huh? LOL

Hammer said...

Glad you didn't stay gone long.

The photos are great. I can relate to the nose picking one :)

random moments said...

emmy - Thanks for stopping by! Happy Holidays to you as well. :)

simply curious - Me too, its a more traditional style shot. I was leaning towards that one for the parents pic.

litte things - Thanks, I'll be sure to forward to complimments! I sure don't feel normal in the middle of the hysteria, but after the storm I feel so much weight lifted.

pre pon - thanks sugah! Today the sun is shining much brighter, thanks. :)

grilled pizza - thanks! and thanks also for stopping by. Your pizza photo is making me hungry... hee hee.

kitty - I love what you said about not having to hide any bits. I think that will be my motto from now on! ((hugs back))

angela - Its always much clearer after the storm has passed. Thanks for the hair compliment - I just had it done differently, a sort of re-inventing myself.

stacie - thank you so much for the supportive, uplifting words. I agree - I try to scrap like crazy, paint and of course blog as much as possible during the week, and occasionally rent a seriously girly chic flick. I'm hoping one day the rollercoaster will be a thing of the past.

roxrocks - I KNEW I could count on you for an interesting perspective. I knew someone would notice the crotch shot - should have known it would be you! LOL! Love it. Oh and J is 5 inches taller than me, but in many of those shots I look like the giant!

fatonkkid - ha! I thought it would be cheesy but couldn't resist the opportunity. I'm so vain. *sigh* I think the nose picking one will be enlarged, framed and posted above the mantel...

papa - I like how you put that. Definitely makes me feel better about the whole thing. Oh, and the nudes? Wouldn't it be ackward to see Babers naked now that you and him are BFF?

kelly - *squeal* Me too! Its so precious! Makes me just wanna squeeze her cute little puppy butt. And I personally adore the grass shot. Lol - I can just hear your tone on these comments, so funny!

hammer - thanks. :) I just couldn't bare to miss out on everyone's great posts and then that got me itching to post myself. You and J would probably get along great too if you relate to the nose picking shot. He's a nut.

Open Grove Claudia said...

So these are your engagement photos... right? I like the last one for that. But you really have to flash that pretty ring.... (tapping on the computer screen) pretty ring??

Gosh you are hard on yourself. We all have feelings. By trying to control them, you make it worse. It's like trying not to pee. Feeling is a biological function. Let them go - you'll feel better - then focus on what would make you feel better.


What I mean is this: maybe you need to really know where you stand with the boy. Maybe you need to let yourself really connect with him - and he in turn. Real connection is the antidote to those scary, creepy feelings.

Nocturnal said...

You do realize if his mates ever see all those luvvy-duvvy pix, they'd probably give him a few elbows in the ribs. :)

You guys look great together Jillie, have a nice Holidays over there U2.


Christie said...

I LOVE the one of you guys laying in the grass that is upside down. That would be awesome framed! You guys are so cute and you look beautiful.

-Papa said...

Wouldn't it be ackward to see Babers naked now that you and him are BFF?
No, it wouldn't be "awkward," but it would be gay. ;P

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