I'm always amazed at how quickly the Monster comes and goes. As I told a friend/co-worker this morning "I just can't control it. Like there's something that comes in and takes over me and I just don't have any say in the matter."
I really tried to self-help last night: I had a glass of wine and I scrapped my little heart out. (I'll share later, promise.) Occasionally I had to dab a page with my sleeve where the stinkin tears were landing. Really, I tried.
My boyfriend must really love me. I dumped everything I was feeling on him last night and more. Sometimes I feel like I have a punch card though, as if I'm running out of emotional break down allowances and one day he's just going to say "Card's full, you're crazy. I'm outta here!" *nervous laugh* But, I talk to so many women that say they go through the same exact thing, so I know I'm not abnormal. I just wish I could control it.
Let's face it, any relationship takes work, but this long distance thing is really getting to me. We went from seeing each other every day for six months to seeing each other once a week. It's killing me. I know that if he were here with me, it wouldn't be this way. I wouldn't be on a permanent rollercoaster. And I hate like hell that he has to see this side of me...this weak, uncontrollable, emotional side. I'm supposed to be silly, light-hearted, fun to hang out with Jill. Drink-a-beer-and-play-I-Never-with Jill. Not the girl who shows up when the Monster takes over. Grrr.
So anyway, right now I'm still moping around but I've bullied myself into smiling today, no matter how bad the pressure behind my eyes is and no matter how much I want to go postal the next time my boss tells me to copy something for him as he stands right next to the frickin copy machine (while I'm in the other room). Life is good more often than not, and I feel guilty for these dips I have when I know things could be much worse. Much.Did you really think I could stay away long? Blogging is a hobby, an addiction. Pfft. Can't even hold the promise of staying too depressed to blog. I do appreciate all your sweet remarks - its nice to know I'm not the only one who falls in the hole occasionally. The blog world is such a supportive place and reading over your comments really helped put a smile back on my face. Thanks lovies. ((hug))
Sweeping it under the mat for now. I've got something to share! *squeal* Please don't gag, I'm simply thrilled about this...
So my sweet little co-worker, Stephanie, is diving into the beautiful world of photography and did us the honor of taking our photos! Yes, I actually got Babers to pose for photos, and he even smiled for some of them. I can't decide which one is my favorite. One will be chosen for framing to give to the 'rents on both sides as a little Christmas present.
Hope you enjoy the silliness as much as I did.