Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Work Rant

Okay. So I'm a little nervous even posting this rant about work because my blog address is in the browser history of my computer and the reception area computer. Before I start - Stephers, if you are reading this now, please clear the history on the front computer asap! Hee hee.

Today a co-worker asked me if everything was okay. Apparantly I am completely transparent and cannot keep even the slightest discontent from showing all over my face. My co-worker basically knew what was bothering me and just wanted to confirm. I told her.

My "job" is basically to keep my boss organized. Compared to the positions I've held in the past (event coordinator, association management, graphic designer) this position is really a breeze most of the time. There's no stress, no endless duties at hand, no deadlines, no panicky feelings because the conference is only 2 WEEKS AWAY!!!! Sorry, got a little carried away thinking about the past.

So why am I complaining? Well I'll tell you. The few things I cannot tolerate in people happen to all be traits my boss holds. He's helpless (or pretends to be), wasteful, and severely ADD. Not to mention MESSY. I like to call him The Tornado. How I am supposed to keep someone organized when he leaves his cell phone at random businesses on a weekly basis and can never find his keys?

People. The man will sit at my desk and dictate emails to me, which I type as he sits there. After each email I type I automatically print the email confirmation for our files. This does not keep him from saying "Print that out for me," though by now he should know that I'm going to anyway. After about 5 emails, I'll turn to look at him sitting at the end of my desk and gasp. My neat piles of paperwork have suddenly become a blanket across my desk, the piles no longer exist and he's decided to draw boxes and scribble all over letters that I just prepared for the next day's mail. Shoot me now.

"Where are the email confirmations?" He'll ask. What? I'll think, my eyes scanning the desk before me. I printed every single email out for him immediately after I typed it, what does he mean where are they??

"I just gave them to you," I say. He shakes his head like a defiant child and I stand so that I can begin picking up the mess he's made on my desk, hoping to prove him wrong and find these dang emails laying beneath something. While I'm trying to tidy up to find these, he's pulling papers out of my hand, moving the piles around as I'm organizing. WHAT did he do with them? Did he EAT THEM??

I shake my head and re-print them, handing them to him for the second time. Two minutes later he's asking for them again.

Do I sound petty and childish? I don't CARE. This is annoying. This makes me feel like I'm going cuckoo and I'm NOT. I have more.

The man will stand in the doorway of my room while I am sitting at my desk speaking to a client on the phone and ask me loudly to copy something for him. The copy machine is right outside my door, exactly 1 foot away from his left hip and he wants ME to copy two sheets of paper for him.

One of my favorites: I'll be filing at my table and he'll walk up to me and point to the stapler. "Hand me that," he'll demand, the stapler 3 inches from his pointing finger while I'm a good 4 feet away from it.

He's a pen thief. About ten pens are pulled from the supply closet every Monday and placed into my pen holder. If he needs a pen he will literally pull the one out of my hand to use. I've gotten used to this and don't make a fuss. Instead, I just reach for a new pen from the holder. This happens on average 6 times a day. At the end of the day I may find a few of the pens he's taken laying on the desk or floor, but most of the time he's done who knows what with them.

The man drinks coffee all day and likes a couple of sugar packets in each cup. He has a nasty habit of ripping the sugar packets open, sloppily shaking the packets above his cup and dropping the packets INTO THE SINK to sit for the next two days and get soggy. Trails of sugar are left all over the kitchen counter which we all share. He also leaves Lean Cuisine boxes and the clear plastic wrapping in the sink. The trash can is just a mere 3, maybe 4 feet away. Just turn and put the trash there. Oh. And there's another trash receptacle under the sink too.

"Get me the Highway 16 project file" he'll demand when he walks in, before even saying good morning. Um, what do you mean the Hwy 16 project file? There are 200 Highway 16 files. "The one with the email you typed for me last week." You have GOT to be kidding me. Can you please be more specific. When he's in these moods, the questioning to figure out which file he needs can last a good ten minutes. "Who did I send the email to?" He doesn't know. "What was it about?" He doesn't know. Well, how does he know which file he wants if he doesn't know these things??? ARGH!!!

The phone will ring and I lean into his office "Its Don on line 1 for you." He looks really confused. (We only deal with one Don.) He wants know Don who? I stare blankly at him and tell him the first and last name of the caller. He still looks confused. You know, your architect, the guy you spoke to for an hour yesterday? I swear he's just putting on. Its like he's trying to be difficult.

Y'all, I'm not exaggerating. In fact, one of my co-workers may be reading this now and nodding her head wildly, thinking of so many other things she could add. I hope she leaves a good one that I've missed in my comments. *hint hint*

I just feel like I'm dealing with a 5 year old. Half of the time I'm just so shocked by his behavior that it leaves me speechless. He doesn't wash his hands after using the restroom. (The timing between the flushing and the door opening makes this obvious.) He pees on the floor. He probably kills 2 small trees a day with all the printing and throwing away.

*sigh* I just had to get that out. I should be thankful for the good living I make working for him, and for the lack of stress, blah blah blah, but how could I not share this with my readers? Its RIDICULOUS.

Tell me some horror boss stories. Please. Oh! We'll have a contest even: Most Obsurd Boss Moment/Habit EVER. The prize will be.... um, name it. Within reason. Maybe I should stop while I'm ahead...


Ari said...

My old principal used to threaten us that we would soon be greeters at Walmart if we didn't meet his demands -- roomfuls of professionals, all with college degrees, hailing from many nations of the globe. As if he fired us, we wouldn't have any other option than that.

He was also making a point once during a faculty meeting -- you know, the kind that occurs at a SCHOOL -- about how important vocabulary is for KIDS to learn, and said, "Like for example, there are two kinds of bitches." I SWEAR he did. Jebus.

The suck part is that not only is he still working, he just got a thousands-of-dollars bonus.

The good part is, I don't work for him anymore.

Kitty said...

Good grief - the man sounds like my youngest child. He needs to grow up and take some responsibility for himself - you're there to work for him, not pick up after him. I don't blame you for being irritated - I think most people would be.

Take care :-) x

Lad Litter said...

How does he hold onto his job? He sounds pretty incompetent. Could you front him about it? Are there ever staff conferences? Work practice reviews of any kind?

I used to work at a school where the Principal once stormed in and gave me a bollocking in front of students. This is a big no-no under any circumatances. And then it turned out she was wrong about the issue anyway and she tried to lie her way out of it.

High staff turnover? There were many who found such things possible to accept because it wasn't happening to them.

Stephanie said...

I'm following your hint instead of studying for ethics... don't tell the husband.

That is freaking hilarious! I know its horrible when we deal with it everyday, but when you step back and really think about the stupidity of it all it really is insane.

Let's see, you didn't mention when he throws half-eaten Lean Cuisines in the freezer or fridge because he didn't like the taste - as if someone else is going to eat them. When he eats all the vegetarian food so that the actual vegetarian has nothing to eat. Or that you simply cannot go to the grocery, even for nonperishables, on a Friday (or a Thursday or a day that he just deems inappropriate).The invasion of personal space and when he bumps you with his massive stomach - to anyone reading, picture the size of an obese pregnant woman and you'll get a good comparison. The SPREADSHEETS - which he thinks you are inept at and thus makes me do them! The horrible table manners - I apologize in advance for tonight's events at the Christmas dinner. The way he expects you to drop everything just so he can ask you something random. The 1000000000000000000 phone calls in the morning while he is just around the corner on his way in. The way he destroys the supply closet that I just spent time organizing since I'm so OCD, and then fusses that the supply closet is messy and I HAVE to clean it that very moment. And the one I'll close with, the prize of the moment: the stinking deposit slips and how if I don't staple the deposit slips to the copy of the deposit placed in the deposit folder of each property account, someone else will steal his money - say $30,000 - and spend it and the bank will never know and it will be my fault that he is broke.

Since I'm still in exam mode - clear the history of my computer when you get in so they can't see it.

Have fun tonight!

fatwonkkid said...

who the hell has anybody type up letters/emails anymore. are you that stupid in todays day and age that you don't know how to type?

what is the purpose of doing things electronically if you just print them out and file it away? that is the beauty of doing things electronically?

sounds like you have a boss that is stuck in the 70's, where your "secretary" gets you coffee, types your memo's, and wipes your ass. real sorry about that...

RoxRocks said...

I used to work for a guy who would slide up behind me and tell me how good I smelled. Ugh! It used to give me the creeps because he weighed about a hundred pounds and had a giant bobble head.

And he used to clip his nails at his desk. Puke.

Good luck with the caveman boss!

-Papa said...

I feel your pain.
Instead of typing tons of paragraphs about a boss I've had in the past I'd rather you just watch this to give you some idea of what I went thru for a couple of months before finally walking out.

Stacie said...

At first I thought they were just little idiosyncracys but the more you went on the more it sounded liek control issues to me. When he takes a pen right out of your hand despite a cup full right next to him or demands you do something or hand him something that he's standing right next to, that's a control issue. I pray to god this man is not married, can you imagine the hell his poor wife must be going through? What a clod! I'm so sorry you have to put up with this...

I won't share my boss horror stories, they belong in a court room and he belongs in prison. That was my first boss,

My last one was a dream to work for and I love him and his family to pieces and think of him as my brother. I'll never be lucky enough to work for a man like that again..

Open Grove Claudia said...

Ok, let's say this together:

"In 2008, I am going to start living my best life - great job, great relationship, building real happiness."

Why would you work for someone like that?? It's only a job! It's not your family, your lover, your dog, your best friend. It's a job and you were looking for one when you found it.

There's lots of jobs in the world. Don't put up with bullshit.

I put up with all kinds of bullshit (there's not enough space on google's computers to write about all the crap I ate) for a long time, then started working for myself. I suck as a boss but I make more money, have more flexibility and am happy every day.

I'd be happy to help you figure out what would work for you - point you in the right direction, etc.

Don't waste your precious life energy on this stuff. There's so much to do, so much to learn, so much to experience - bullshit just wastes time.

Christie said...

I was a receptionist for a company that made screws. Boring. Anyway, I had no idea when I took the job that A) they smoked in the office (illegal in most states, Oregon is one of them) B) I was to become the owners son's personal assistant and take care of all the details for his wedding because he was to retarded to do it himself and the "stupid whore" he was marrying was too incompetent to be trusted with such details and C) they put saffron on EVERYTHING and then burned their meal in the microwave. That smelled worse than burnt popcorn. Between that and the cigarette smoke, I went home with a major migraine and stunk. Then after spending 3 days trying to find the PERFECT vans to transport family members from the airport to their hotels, that I also had to find for 200 people with only 10 days notice, he told me they all wanted their own cars because they didn't want to share. THEN I got written up because I wasn't answering the phone or taking care of my other responsibilities. I was like "HOW can I answer the phone if I am talking to a bunch of rental car places AND all the major hotels in downtown trying to find room for 200 people on the same floor? I can't do all that AND the job I was hired to do" and that douche was like "Well, we didn't hire you to handle the wedding details, we hired you to answer the phones." so I said "Um, well then WHY DID YOU HAND ME A FATASS FILE FULL OF SHIT YOUR STUPID SON AND HIS WHORY FIANCE NEEDED DONE FOR THEIR RETARDED WEDDING AND TELL ME TO HANDLE IT ALL BY THE END OF THE WEEK, YOU STUPID ASS! OH, I QUIT AND I HAD BETTER GET PAID FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING WEEK OR I'LL CONTACT THE STATE ABOUT YOU SMOKING IN THE OFFICE WHICH IS ILLEGAL, YOU FUCKING MORON!" and he just sat there, his cheeks red and puffy, and said he would pay me for the 2 weeks and I could pick up my check the next day.

Sorry, I got a little worked up there reliving that situation. Oh, I hated that man forever and tried to think of a way to ruin that wedding somehow, but then I came to my senses and figured karma would come around and kick their ass.

Anonymous said...

I have been a SAHM for 20 years so I don't have any boss stories.

I'm not sure I could make it out in the working world anymore. I'd want to tell everyone off that crossed me the wrong way.LOL

Hammer said...

Classic ADHD. He needs to see a doctor, my nephew was just like that and he finally got medication at age 25 that made him a brand new person.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with him. I don't think I could handle it without going apeshit.

itisthelittlethings said...

Shall I tell you about the attorney that chased me into a corner? Or about the rug store owner that demanded I let him give me a massage when we worked late? Or the father of the bipolar daughter that was insane himself?
Or the one that was screwing his secretary and when I spoke up privately to him, I was fired?
I have so many bad boss stories.
We'd be here all day.
It's no wonder I hate to work.

Anonymous said...

Sounds ruff; maybe u should bring him out in the woods 2 drag - i mean ride quads....wait i want 2 ride sometime 2 i need an invite...ur P-town power house

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I want an autographed picture if I win.

Hey, this guy sounds like a jagoff. He gets something out of his imposing antics. What a fag.

But please know that as annoying as your boss is, he made for a very entertaining post! I could really feel the contempt as I read your words.

Nocturnal said...

It never ceases to amaze how grown adults behave like children in the workplace.

Have a nice weekend you guys.


moooooog35 said...

My first job was at a restaurant, where I cooked dishes and - eventually - went on to be the lead chef. All by the age of 18.

My boss let me and my buddies there (who were dishwashers) get drunk.

..while we worked..

This in and of itself wasn't bad, except he used to make up songs about the waitresses and how he'd like to bang them (this was in the 80's and before there was such thing as sexual harrassment lawsuits). I can remember these three:

"Cindy, Cindy, I want to be in thee."

"Sonja, Sonja, I want to be on ya."

"Angela, Angela, just blow me already."

The last one doesn't rhyme, but it DID get the point across.

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