Thursday, January 22, 2009

There's something about married life...

...that makes a girl more self confident. I don't know what it is, but I'm really feeling and noticing it as of late. My shoulders are straighter, I'm standing taller now.

I don't spend thirty minutes choosing an outfit and then another ten standing in the mirror tugging at it. Judging my figure. I say "This is what I want" and I feel good about it. No second guessing lately, what's all this about?

My boss called me in to review a little project we were working on together. To be honest, I've created more Policies & Procedures manuals than anyone ever should in my short career. So when he asked me to put one together, I happily agreed but scowled inside. Earlier I had doubts about whether or not it was thorough enough for him, or too detailed or whatever insecurities one might feel about this type of chore. But when I walked into his office I just had this feeling of confidence about it that I don't ever remember having before. I did my best and that was worth something. And in the end, he loved the manual.

And not just that, other small ways too. Like when strangers come up to me or speak to me in public, I don't let my hair fall in my face anymore or hunch over as if to make myself invisible. I smile more, speak up.

I feel less icky about my body now than I ever have, though some of you may find that hard to believe. (I complain about it a lot and just posted a weight loss blurb yesterday, but its more my guilt for not keeping up with exercise and being healthy that makes me complain more than anything.) I've embraced my curves, my soft tummy, my hips-for-days. Its what makes me a woman. How insane is it that becoming a wife finally engraves that in my crazy brain?

I know that the decisions I make are the right ones and if not, there's no harm done. Nothing is final. I have a calm feeling about that. Again, a confidence that I will make the right choices, do the right things.

Maybe its always been there. Maybe the idea that some other human being has made their own choice to spend the rest of their life with me (little ole me!) that makes me think Wow. If he has confidence in me, I should too. And personally, I think that rocks.

11 comments:

Jessica said...

What a lovely post. :)

Jay said...

Good for you. And good for me for biting my e-tongue on all the things I also wanted to say in response to this.

Chloie said...

Beautiful post! Makes me look forward more to marriage...

Tookie Tail said...

You never had reason to lack confidence before. You're intelligent, beautiful, talented, witty and a very compassionate person. I personally think it's not so much being married that makes you feel confident but more the fact that you're so happy.Happiness exudes from you.It's a natural high! :)

The Other K Wick said...

I could not agree more. Good for you!!!!! And congrats on the thumbs up from the boss.

jason said...

I can't help but feel the need to pat myself on the back. And pat you too babe ;)

healingtouch said...

Awesome post. OK here is my take on the new feelings.... You are confident in who you are, you are totally happy, you have a whole wonderful life ahead of you and someone wonderful to share it with...you are OK with you and comfortable in your own skin! What a wonderful feeling!!!! I'd hug you if I could !

Shabby Chic Crafts said...

I need that. I am my worst critic. ;)

I used to be thin. HAHA that must be it/ Now that I'm a chubby mama, it has taken away the confidence. Blah! ;)

C said...

awwww jill... i ditto everything everyone said... AND i think you are finally growing up. you FEEL loved... you feel security, and you are happy. you beleive in yourself more. you know J is there to share whatever comes along. all of these things and what everyone said... all equal YOU.

C

floreta said...

i don't imagine feeling confident after marriage is true for everyone. but that just means you have a good relationship, you were ready to marry, and married the right person. :)

Roxrocks said...

I agree with your mom, happiness is good for you, it's like the fountain of youth!

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